the pieces of my life

My daughter is definitely a City Mouse. And I am not nearly as organized as I’d like to be. My plans to leave home for the Big City at 6 a.m. kinda petered out as we finally left at 7. And by 7, I mean 7:38. But we made great time right up to the point where we weren’t making great time, and Pie only asked seven times in the first hour, “When are we going to be in New York?”

The drive was painless right up to Westchester, when the powers that be decided to make the three-lane highway and one-lane highway, extending out trip by a full hour. But we made it to my parents’ apartment just in time for lunch and then we headed out for our adventures.

Our first stop was my old office. Well, not really my old office, but yes really my old office. Once upon a time, in a decade far far away, I worked for the book publishing company Putnam Berkley, which has since become Penguin Putnam. Our offices were in the Murray Hill area. The offices have since moved to a swank building in SoHo. So I never worked there. Except that I have because my very first short-lived job out of college was working in advertising. In the very same swank building.

Visiting the office really made me miss those days of having a place to go and work to do. The woman I visited is now the head of the whole department, and she was the also the woman who replaced me when I left the job in 1994. A lifetime ago. It’s hard not to think what ifs. What if I had stayed in New York. What if I had stayed in publishing. What if, what if, what if. But really, I remember finding my job rather dull, and I was near the end when I applied for grad school. New York was grating on my nerves–I spent way too much time working (I had to do freelance after work to make enough money to pay my rent) and not enough time doing the things that one moves to New York to do. So I left.

But it’s still fun visiting them, hearing what everyone is up to. But after I got my grown-up time in, it was on to kid stuff. We hooked up with the Nana and headed to Milk and Cookies for, surprise! Milk and cookies. Yummy, decadent cookies. And then off to Porto Rico for superdark coffee. (Note to anyone else whose husband says, “Buy me superdark coffee.” That’s not actually a coffee name. Just a description. And you’ll look like an idiot if you just walk up and say, “A pound of the Superdark, please.” Just sayin’.) And finally to that shopping mecca, the destination that one litle girl has been pining for lo these years: LittleMissMatched. That girl of mine is obsessed with socks and MissMatched socks at that. I think we pretty much bought the store out. We walked a bit. Pie is a great people watcher and she sat happily for a bit at the ice rink at Rockefeller Center. She wanted to go see if Eloise was home, but she started to fade so we headed back to my parents apartment (“Yea!! Subway, subway, subway!” [sung to the tune of “The Bundle Dance”).

Next few days are full. I’ve already called my boy twice–I miss him like crazy, but know he’s going to have a good guys weekend, which apparently includes eating copious amounts of steak. And we’re going to have a great girls weekend, which includes… Well, I can’t tell you. Because when I told Pie on Wednesday, “I made some fabulous plans for us,” she squealed, clapped, and said, “Don’t tell me! I want to be surprised!”

So we’ll have surprises all around!

I want to start tonight with my faux-pumpkin bars. They were fabulous, and highly unappreciated in this house, although when I went to give a bunch of the leftovers to our neighbors, my boy did panic and say, “You’re not going to give all of it away are you?” They were spectacular faux-pumpkin bars. Once a week, we get a delivery from Boston Organics, a box full of organic fruits and veggies, and I’m on a quest to actually use all the items we get. (Never fear–it never goes to waste. I fondly call Beetle, my neighbor, our human garbage disposal, as she’s always game to take any food that will be uneaten in our household.) I’m also trying to cook as many meatless meals as possible, something which is not going over that well with the rest of my household members (read: Adam). For instance, on Wednesday we had a lovely cauliflower and tomato curry-like dish that I enjoyed and Adam tolerated. And today we had my lovely bars, a recipe I found online and then tweaked to perfection, replacing the pumpkin with organic delicata squash (hence the faux), mixing up the sugars, removing the chocolate chips and adding a cream cheese frosting. Mmmmm!

And now let’s move on to my faux-healthy daughter. She fools me every day, acting healthy and chipper and happy and then–wham!–at night, she has aches and pains that keep her for hours on end. Last night she awoke at 2 a.m., saying her “brain hurt.” Uh oh,, I thought. Here it comes. Piggy flu. Sudden onset. Headaches. But then she woke up with a lovely 98.7 degree temperature and an upbeat attitude. She went to school. On Friday we have our special Mommy-Pie time, as she’s done at noon and we have no activities till we pick up Doodles at 2:15. Today we went on a “hike” (read: woodsy walk), stopping frequently to read the book du jour, Chicken Soup with Rice. At the end of the hike, we had to walk up a small hill. And my daughter–the one I had always thought of as suspiciously smart–announces, “I’m going to roll up the hill!”

“You mean down,” I said.

“No!” She looked at me like I was crazy. “Up!” And then she proceeded to roll up this rather steep hill. Tonight Adam said to her, “You thought you could roll up a hill?” and she laughed at him and replied, “Daddy! I did it!”

And tonight, she’s in bed, with not quite a fever, but verging on one, snoring loudly and crying out in her sleep every now and then. So frustrating! We’re supposed to have a special Mommy-Daughter trip next weekend–I hope she’s healthy enough to go.

And now let’s end with faux time. Which is what I had today, after I dropped Pie off at school, ran some errands, and hurried home to get a few things done. But then I giddly looked at my watch and realized I had accomplished everything I needed to do faster than I thought and I had a precious whole forty-five minutes to write! It’s Nanowrimo month, and I’ve consciously decided not to participate as I don’t want to start something new; I want to finish something old. So I sat down at my computer… and saw I was late to pick up Pie. Huh? Look at computer. Look at watch. Look at computer again. Look at… stopped watch. Damn.

No more faux. Off to sleep. I’m hoping for the real deal.

Today I made it into Doodles’s classroom to help with pumpkin carving. Luckily most of the class was back–for the past week most kids have been out sick. Well, maybe not most, but half. Literally (and we know I don’t mess around with the word “literally”). Out of 18 kids and 2 teachers, yesterday 9 kids and 1 teacher were out sick. Can anyone say “Treyf flu”?

But going into the class was really fun, even if Doodles does act up specially for me. The kids drew their own designs and I carved them onto the pumpkin for them. While we were working (other parents were there too to help), the teacher put on some Halloween music. Irresistible Halloween music. There was no stopping anyone from getting up and shaking a tush, to the point that by the end, the teachers were teaching the kids how to do the dance to “Thriller.”

The song stuck in my head, and when we got home, against my own better judgment, I decided to show the “Thriller” video to the kids. I know it’s scary, but, hey! The kids are in our bed anyway. Might as well have some fun with it.

Tab is over and so I gathered them around the computer and YouTubed it for them. Big mistake. Not because it was scary. But because the questions came fast and furious. “Why is his arm falling off? How was he a person and then he was a dead and then he was a person again? Why are they chasing her? I don’t understand–is he a person or is he dead?”

And the questions haven’t stopped. So, yes, “Thriller” was scary. But only for me.

Courtesy of Adam:
Mylie Cyrus/Hannah Montana – check
Beyonce – check
Project Runway – check
Mama Mia – check

Next time you catch Pie singing “Single Ladies,” you’ll know she’s right in step with the rest of American little girls.

I’ve been getting grief from my father (hi, Peter!) for not blogging. I’m not completely sure why I’m not blogging, but I haven’t. Part of it is that I am writing, just not for you. I’ve been working steadily away on my novel. I’m at a rough place in it at the moment, not sure if it’s all gelling together. I need to just plug away at it. Part of it is also that I’ve lost that snark factor. Now that I have kids, I feel like I can’t let my bitch out. It’s one thing to alienate my friends; it’s something else to alienate my kids’ friends. But I go through this blogging crisis about once a year and the fact is that it’s been eight years I’ve been doing this, which is longer than I’ve done almost anything else in my life. The only thing more consistent in my life is Adam, as I’ve been with him for almost ten years. But I’ve never lived in a single place for eight years. I’ve never had a job for eight years. Eight years is something to be reckoned with, so here I am.

And right now is my writing time. I should be working on my novel. But my darling daughter pulled the old “I’m healthy but now you can’t send me to school” trick. Last night the boy was trying to get out of homework. Pie had just gotten home from a playdate and was cranky, but nothing out of the ordinary. But the boy! Oh the moaning, the groaning. “I can’t do my homework! My head hurts! I’m sick!” I feel his forehead.

“You’re fine,” I tell him.

“Nooooo! I’m sick! Take my temperature.”

Which I dutifully do. And he’s a lovely 98.4. Pie is standing there. “Shall we take your temperature, too, while I’m standing here?”

She agrees and I take her temperature. 102.5. I do a double take and take her and his temperature three more times, certain something is wrong with the thermometer. But no, she’s sick. Just doesn’t seem like it other than a cold.

So now I’m sitting on the couch as she overdoses on TV. We started with High School Musical: “The girl with the lipstick and the sparkly shirt, who’s hanging with the boy? That’s who I am. What’s her name? Gabriella? That’s who I am. I the character of her and the person of her [meaning Vanessa Hudgens].” Now we’re on to Berenstain Bears. She’s anxious to go out–because of course she’s had no fever all morning–but I can’t in these panic-y swine flu times take her anywhere where there might be children, so she’s won the TV lottery for today. Given Pie’s Law of Health, she’ll be chipper and happy all day, till about 5 p.m. when her fever is guaranteed to return.

In the meantime, I can leave you with just a few of the things that have been keeping me away from the blog:

For the first time, we built a sukkah. We have our lovely remodeled house, with an ample backyard and a place to store the sukkah in the off-season. So it was time. “What size should we get?” Adam asked me.

I looked over the Sukkah Project web site. “I think we should get the easy snap together kind.”

“That’s ridiculous,” I was told. “It has to be made with lumber. Or else you’re just cheating. What size?”

“Um, 8 by 12 should be fine.”

“No, too small.”

“Okay, 12 by 10.”

So what does he order? 12 by 16. We need a bigger table to fill it, but it was nice as we hosted Shabbat and two kid-oriented meals in the sukkah. I’d show you pictures of Adam and Doodles building the sukkah, but somehow I’ve misplaced all my September photos.

The rain finally took a long enough break to get to apple picking. We went nice and early on Columbus Day to beat the crowd. We arrive, and I go to buy the small bag to fill. “We’ll fill that in no time. We need a bigger bag,” Adam insists (are you seeing a theme here?). So we get the bigger bag. Only Pie loses interests and she and Adam wonder off leaving me to haul around a honking big heavy bag of apples that I still haven’t used up.

Recognize that player in the blue fleece? I got so confused when I saw her out there, given that last year, that was the boy’s fleece, so I kept thinking I was looking at him. But that girl really held her own and did just great. The boy is amazing, how much he’s improved since last year. Poor Adam: Doodles made the advanced beginner’s group, which meets from 8:50 to 9:30 and Pie is in the beginner’s group, which meets from 9:50 to 10:30, so he gets to spend his entire morning at the rink, while I’m off running. That’s what you get for saying, “Oh, hockey and the early, cold hours at the rink don’t bother me.”

And now, now it’s time to be a Mom again. To change the channel and make princess soup for Pie and to bake my next apple creation: Spiced Caramel Apple Upside Down Cake. Perhaps I’ll try to sneak in a bit of noveling today. You never now.

So, yes, I’m still here. At lea
st for the time being.

We’ve begun to conquer Pie’s separation anxiety. First we tried sending her to school with a tape recorder that had a message from me. Then we tried a letter from me. She took a book with her. Next we tried her stuffed hippo. Then, finally, we found what works and has worked all week:

She brings her purse. And in her purse is a tissue. And a lipstick. And when she’s feeling sad, she puts on a little lipstick on. And, voila! She feels better.

And, yes. She’s four.

Oh. Dear. Lord. I’m out of my league here.

We played Two Truths and a Lie at dinner tonight. We were having a nice dinner, as the day actually wasn’t bad at all. For my turn:

Me: Today I saw M.’s mom at the YMCA when I went to workout; today I went to Starbucks to have coffee because no one made me any coffee at home; today I returned two SIGG bottles to Whole Foods.
Pie: SIGG bottles.
Adam: M’s mom.
Doodles: Starbucks.

Starbucks was the logical answer, as Adam conveniently left early to go to the gym, but didn’t set up the coffeemaker for me. And I don’t make coffee. Just don’t. Don’t know why. Just don’t.

Me: Doodles is right.
Pie: So you didn’t have coffee at Starbucks?
Me: No.
Pie: Then where did you have your coffee?
Me: Nowhere. I didn’t have any coffee today.
Doodles: Oooh! That’s why you were cranky today!

Adam’s out of town, off on the Left Coast, so here I sit with my wine, my Project Runaway, and my slow-ass laptop. (“Where’s your laptop?” I asked him on the phone. “My work laptop?” “No, your at-home laptop.” “Yeah, my at-home work laptop. It’s right here. With me. In San Francisco.” We don’t say, “A-hole” in our house, so I won’t say it. But I might think it.)

We’ve been having a rocky few weeks here. Pie has been struck with terrible separation anxiety. It came out of nowhere and has hit with a vengeance. “Mommy, don’t go running! Mommy, don’t go to your meeting! Mommy, I don’t care what you’re doing; let me in that bathroom with you right now!” Taking her to school is downright painful. Doodles always started his school years with tears, but his response was “I don’t want to go to school!” In those days, I was still working, so it was easy to say, “Sorry, kiddo, you gotta go. Mommy’s on a deadline.” But now that I’m not working, it’s so hard to resist that little crying face. Although it’s different with Pie. She says, “Mommy, I want to go to school; I just want you to stay with me!” The first few days were really tough for her but now it’s a few minutes of crying, pleading, and grabbing onto me at the drop-off, but then she has a great day.

Today, though, we had a great start to the day. The kids were agreeable, dressing quickly, eating a nice breakfast, cleaning their rooms. A friend drove Pie to school, and she went willingly (and did have tears, but, bonus!, I wasn’t there to see them). Lovely, lovely. I ran errands. Bought more books that no one needs, because I’m a total sucker for books. Got the boy a new lunchbox because at the beginning of the year I told him he couldn’t have a new lunchbox or backpack because the ones from last year were still in good shape and we reuse, reuse, reuse! And then I smelled last year’s lunchbox. Hence the new one he got today. Went to Sephora where they clearly saw “Easy Mark,” which was apparently tattooed on my forehead (note to self: not a good idea to walk into Sephora and say, “Um, I know nothing about skin care or makeup. Can you make the spots on my face go away?”)

After school, Pie had a playdate with a friend (actually a classmate of Doodles’s with whom she gets along really well; my precocious preschool monkey hanging out with the first grade girls). To keep Doodles from interfering, I invited Tab over to play with him.

Tab and Doodles wanted to do some experiments. I was not up for experiments. I let them fill up a bowl of water. They put it on the kitchen counter and I had orders not to touch it. In a few minutes, they came back.

“Look!” Doodles said. “There’s a bubble in it now!”

“Wow!” said Tab. “You know what that means?”

“It means that Camelbocher is coming!”

Yes, Camelbocher. At least that’s what I heard. I have no idea what that means. I went about my own business. Pie and her friend ventured downstairs to join ranks with Doodles and Tab. Periodically they’d check the water, make exclamations, and then run back to the front porch.

So I decided to have some fun. While they were out on the front porch, I pulled out my food coloring. And I dropped in a bit of green. Back they came.

“It’s green!!!” Doodles shouts.

“It’s green?” Tab comes running in. “Do you know what that means?”

“It means Camelbocher is approaching with his armies!” By now Doodles is armed with his sword. “We need to wait!”

“Okay, but if it turns black, it means Voldemort is coming!” Tab says. At least that name I recognize.

And that’s it! No, “How did that water turn green?” No, “Okay, that’s weird.” No, “Mom, what did you do?”

They checked the water a few more times. Still green. So the next they go out, I swap the green water for yellow.

Pie and her friend come in. “How did the water get to be yellow?” Pie asks. I shrug.

Doodle comes back. “It’s yellow! It’s yellow!”

Tab yells, “Voldemort is coming!”

“No!” Doodles yells, “It’s Camelboch and his armies. They’re coming from Florence Street!”

I make the water black next.

Meanwhile, Pie is starting to truly become scared. So I clue her in. “Look, Pie!” I swap the black water for purple water. “See?” She sees. She laughs. And then she is scared again. “What are you scared of?”

“Camelbocher’s army is coming!”

“No, it’s not!”

“It’s true! The water turned purple so that’s what it means!”

Finally after about two hours, Tab finally says, “How did that water change colors?”

Doodles starts with his theories. “There must be chemicals in the air and the water is reacting to them and it changes the color of the water.”

“Maybe,” Tab responds, “our magic spell really worked and it changed the color.”

I’m having a hard time not laughing.

“I think there are chemicals in the bowl,” Doodles says, “and that makes the color change.”

By now I am laughing. Tab sees me. “Maybe your mom did something to the water?” she says suspiciously.

I give her a little nod.

Doodles says, “I think there are things in the bowl that react to the water.”

I pat him on the arm and point to Tab. “What?” he says. I continue to point. “So let me tell you my theory! Chemicals around us are falling into the water and the stuff in the bowl–“

“What about Tab’s theory?”

“But I’m giving my theory!”

“But Tab’s theory is right.”

“How do you know?” he asks.

I walk over and pick up my bag of food coloring. “Because I changed the color.”

“Ohhhhhhh!” he finally says.

That’s my boy. Full of theories. No facts necessary to back them up. I see an MBA in this boy’s future!

And now? Now I finish my wine. I finish my Project Runway. I use my new bajillion dollar face cream. I curl up with the new book I bought for myself today. And prepare to start all over again tomorrow.

Getting ready for bed, Doodles tried to pull down Pie’s underwear.
Pie: Doodles! Stop that!
Doodles: Ha ha! I just saw your butt gutter!

In the timeless tradition of my father, we do Quiz Questions at dinner. Tonight:
Me: What’s the next holiday coming up?
Pie: Yom Kippur!
Me: And what do the grown-ups do on Yom Kippur?
Pie: Um… fashion!

We occasionally give hints. Because sometimes the answers are off. The past few times, I’ve asked…
Me: Who’s the vice president?
Doodles: Bill Clinton!
Me: No!
Pie: George Washington!
Me: No!
I give the hint every time, using the name of a local restaurant chain. So tonight when I asked, they wanted a hint.
Me: Who’s the vice president.
Doodles: Give us a hint!
Me: No! We’ve done this too many times before. You shouldn’t need a hint anymore.
Pie: I know! It’s… Not Your Average Joe Biden!

The end of summer comes later for our family than most–our school system has the arcane rule that school starts the Thursday after Labor Day (and the Monday after Labor Day for kindergartners). So this year, Labor Day was as late as it can possibly be, meaning the first day of school for Doodles was one week ago and Pie didn’t start start till this past Monday. (well, really Tuesday–Monday was a split session day). I actually didn’t mind having the kids home. Yes, they make me insane. But I can (generally) deal. But I hate our school’s system because everyone else is done with school at the year end almost a full month earlier. Our last day of school for the coming year is June 23… if there are no snow days.

At the beginning of the summer, I made a long list with the family of things we were going to do over the summer. I was sad that much of the list didn’t get accomplished. I wanted to go to Portland (Maine, that is). Pie wanted to go to an art museum. Doodles wanted to do science experiments. Adam had listed kayaking and napping in the backyard.

But there was a fair amount on the list that, when I think back, we did achieve. Between Memorial Day and Labor Day we:

**went letterboxing twice–Pie really enjoyed it and the kids designed and I made their own stamps. On our second time doing it (during our camping trip–more on that later), Pie was a real trooper, dealing with missing boxes, a mom who got her lost, mosquitoes, and finally finding the box as it was beginning to get dark out.

**visited a butterfly place. True, it wasn’t the one Pie originally wanted, but we went to the butterfly garden at the Museum of Science and she was pretty happy about that. We made about three or four trips to the museum this summer.

**attended a science program (Doodles) and gymnastics camp (Pie). Doodles spent a week at Club Invention, one of the coolest camps ever. He got to take apart a machine to make a new one (he created the Stopinator 3000, a device for stopping Pie when she’s about to attack him), make up a new superhero, and work with a team to make a land sled. Pie tumbled and trampled and tally-ho’d through two weeks of gymnastics camp.

**saw some tall ships.

**write a novel (me). I’m about 3/4s of the way done. All I need is for school to start to finish.

**turned a boy into a fish (the boy swims! the boy swims!).

**picked raspberries.

**visited Storyland.

**had our annual 4th of July party and rode in the 4th of July bike parade.

**attend a baseball game (the Red Sox for Doodles and Adam; the Pawsocks for the entire family).

**tried out–and loved–camping. We went with Jasmine’s family for a single-night camping trip. Headed out to Harold Parker State Forest, which was perfect. Close, had swimming and fishing and hiking in the campground. Nice playground. Yes, a lot of rain, but I was able to completely overdose on roasted marshmallows, so really, it was fine. The only downer was that the boy’s fishing was cut short. That and the fact that Pie and I were seriously covered from head to foot with mosquito bites. The two of us scratched for two solid weeks.

**swimming time at the Res and at the pools friends invited us to, ran some races (okay, just me, but I ran about six of them), had invention time with boxes and recycled materials, bike riding time in the street, playdates and games and books and general fun.

So that’s it. Time to put summer to a close. The weather has turned distinctly fall like. On a walk this morning, Pie started picking up bright red leaves. I’m preparing for our Rosh Hashanah dinners and we’ve just received our Sukkot kit to build our very own sukkah for the first time.

Onward to fall. L’shana tova!