A General Litany of Complaints

October 31st, 2007 Comments Off on A General Litany of Complaints

This morning started out pretty well. Despite screaming from 11:20 p.m. to 11:45 and then again from 2:34 a.m. to 2:47 (it’s getting shorter!), and then waking at 5:14 a.m., which I ignored, Pie actually fell back asleep and didn’t wake till 7:30, which is practically a record. Doodles was so excited it’s Halloween that he was most agreeable. Both kids got waffles with a “face”: two M&Ms; and a candy corn, which put them over the moon. Kids got to school on time, no tears at drop-off, and I got in and out of the toy store in record time with gifts from the Switch Witch. One Venti latte in hand, and I’m ready to transcribe the interview I did Monday night with a very interesting director for a profile I’m working on.

But now? Now I’m annoyed. I’m just oh-so-annoyed. And my annoyance has snowballed and, I’ll be honest here, right now I’m annoyed at you! Don’t worry. You’re not alone. Here are the people I’m annoyed with at the moment:

  1. I’m annoyed at my friend A. for turning me on to that woman’s blog. A., you should have known I’d get sucked in and become an unproductive sloth. And while we’re at it, what’s up with hooking me onto Facebook? I’m a full-fledged addict. Someone send me a 12-step program.
  2. I’m annoyed with my father, who when I complained about being alone with my terrors and about my moronic husband (see annoyance #11), replied, “Oh, if this is your biggest problem, you’re doing pretty well in life.” My father who not once–not once!–in the first five years (probably much, much longer) of my life spent twenty-four hours alone with me and the Tweedle Twirp.
  3. I’m annoyed with myself for being annoyed and letting it make me waste my time blogging instead of either copyediting or transcribing, both of which have to be done.
  4. I’m annoyed that the supermarket Halloween candy was completely picked over yesterday so not only am I consoling myself with Halloween candy, I’m consoling myself with Halloween candy that’s not even that good.
  5. Today is feeding group day, which means no nap for Pie.
  6. I’m annoyed that I planned our Halloween night to the second in order to get the kids to a couple of houses and be back in time to hand out candy to the big kids (who can’t be trusted with a bowl of candy inside), have a piece of chocolate, and head to bed. And three seconds before it was time to go, Pie, who has been dying for her costume for weeks, announced, “No dragon!! No dragon!!” She tried on Doodles’s old dog costume but it was way too big for her and then I remembered her Purim costume in the basement and she went as a ladybug, but only after a frantic search for her long-sleeved red shirt (in the dirty clothes) and a pair of red tights (also in the dirty clothes but unsalvageable because they’re covered in pee–but wait, there’s another brand new pair somewhere around here…). Still, desite the annoyance, they were the cutest kids on the block.
  7. I’m annoyed that the two pieces of chocolate have completely wired Doodles and he’s still lying awake in bed.
  8. I’m annoyed that the helmet of his astronaut costume completely fogged up, rendering him practically blind during trick or treating. I’m annoyed that he wanted to run with his friends into the street instead of waiting for me and Pie but Pie wanted nothing to do with his friends who were either a) scary or b) just too overwhelming at the door.
  9. I want to start Nanowrimo tomorrow but I haven’t a single idea. If anyone has a novel novel idea, send it my way pronto!
  10. I really wanted to settle in tonight, eat my kids’ candy, and watch the last few episodes of Extras, but when I went to put it on, the receiver suddenly started blinking “Protector” over and over and over again. So, no sound. So no DVD.
  11. But my biggest pain in the ass, my ultra-big, save-it-for-last annoyance is with my darling husband who is on his second business trip in two weeks, this time to London, this time over Halloween, but he made sure his flight would be in early enough for him to see kids in costumes, manage sugar-rush kids, and help get them into bed. But! But! BUT! My idiot husband didn’t allow enough time to get to Heathrow from London and he arrived 59 minutes before his flight. 59 minutes! And Virgin Atlantic shuts off all check-ins one hour before the flight. If the idjit hadn’t stopped to pick his nose (or whatever the hell it was that made him one-minute late), I could have had an annoyance-free day. But now, he gets in past my bedtime. Just for that, I think I’ll watch the last two episodes of The Sopranos without him. Oh, wait. See annoyance #10. Now I’m really annoyed.

Whew! Got that all off my chest. And you know? Right now I’ve got the trash TV on. Pasta is cooking on the stove. A glass of cabernet is hanging out right next to me. And Pie is not crying and Doodles is finally asleep. I’m getting ready to turn out the Halloween night and chill. Okay, so things aren’t so bad. And thanks for all of your well wishes for my dad. He’s much better, out of the hospital, back at home driving my mom crazy, just as it should be. My kids are adorable and I’m starting to unwind. But don’t tell Adam that. I plan on making him pay. Big time. Happy friggin’ Halloween.

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