On the way to the airport for our annual New Year’s trip to my home:
Me: We can start tracking Santa!
Adam: Oh boy.
Me: There he goes! He’s over Japan now. Hey there are two trackers.
Me: I didn’t know. Both Google and Microsoft had to get in on the action. I can get an app! How do I get the app?
Adam: Why the hell do you want the app?
Me: Duh. To follow Santa. Hey, look! You can order a certificate from Santa.
Girl: Really? That’s cool!
Me: It’s really too bad we don’t believe in Santa. We’d be awesome Christians. Well, maybe not Christians. More like Santaists.
Girl: Where is Santa now?
Me: Headed to South Korea. Do you think he’ll skip North Korea? Maybe somebody hacked Santa so he skips North Korea.
Adam: You know, that really calls for some silent contemplation.
Note: checking out the apps, some are a little creepy. One promises: “This app allows you to follow Santa’s every move at any minute from anywhere (not just on Christmas Eve.)” Given that Adam doesn’t like it when I IM him about his children’s pooping habits, I have a hunch he’d really not like me texting him about Santa’s.
After much debate, I did download the free NORAD version. Adam said, “If I knew that that would keep you so busy on car rides, I’d have suggested it ages ago.”
Merry Christmas to all you SantaistS and all others observing tonight’s holiday. We will raise a stone crab claw in your honor. (Another idea I had that was shot down: I suggested we buy at the airport Legal Seafood live lobster and bring it home to pit it against a South Florida stone crab to see who dominated. Adam didn’t even acknowledge that one. Probably because he knows the New England shellfish are WEAK! Go crabs!) (And if anyone cares, at this moment, Santa is in Mongolia.)