(and that includes you Adam!)

Labels: misc.

Around the corner from our house is a Catholic church with a great big lovely empty parking lot. Adam took Doodles over to it to learn to ride his bike. Yep, the training wheels are off, and so is Doodles. All that boy wants to do is ride, ride, ride!

From what Adam tells me, there was another family there with a six-year-old who was also learning to ride sans training wheels. The Friendliest Brown was chatting away, telling this family his life story. And a fascinating life story it is.

After a while, Doodles became tired and Adam was bored so they began to leave the church parking lot to head home. Apparently, one of the other parents called otu to Doodles, "Bye! Perhaps we'll see you here again!"

Doodles wrinkled his nose and replied, "I don't think so. We're Jewish."

Labels: doodles

Warning: This is one of those long self-indulgent posts probably most interesting (or not!) to family.

So today is the 60th anniversary of Israel's independence, which isn't normally a topic I'd blog about (as I, last post excepted, do tend to shy away from anything political int his blog), however...

Our synagogue had a big shindig tonight (and guess--out of the hundreds of people there tonight--who was the absolute first on the dance floor? Can you say Dancing Pie and her buddy Dancing Jasmine?) and I submitted some photos for the slide show that are just way too embarrassing to not share with you guys. Actually, this first trip was in a good phase. One of the few. That's me and my cousin Oliver in Sfat. That trip was--gasp!--thirty years ago, and it's easy to remember because we were there for Israel's 30th independence day (and for those doing the math, I was not quite ten at the time). Oliver and I traveled with my grandparents on a UJA (United Jewish Appeal) trip that was done in a first-class kind of style. I can't be sure, but I do seem to recall staying at the King David hotel, which was pretty fancy shmancy. Before the trip, my grandmother deemed that my fashion sensibility was lacking, so she insisted that we go to Jordan Marsh for a complete new wardrobe. Even then I wasn't a fan of shopping and I didn't completely get why my clothes all had "G"s on them (my grandmother apparently was a fan of Givenchy at the time). Things I remember most about the trip: taking turns with my cousin wearing my grandfather's gold necklace; being terrified on a camel ride, which my grandfather found humorous; a man on the street in Sfat making a tin picture of a deer for me and my grandfather tipping him and telling me, "Nothing's for free in this world"; getting a plastic hammer that made noise when you bonked people on the head with it during the independence celebrations, but I was too short and I hit someone--hard--with the plastic part; dancing the hora in the streets with my grandmother; and the way my grandmother would smile coyly and say, "Oh no! I'm not their mother. I'm their grandmother," as if she didn't know people would be confused by the fact that we called her Ema, which is Hebrew for Mom.

Oh dear lord, there it is!! Yes, I did dress like this as a sixteen year old (that's me on the left). The scary thing is, even dressed like this, I never had a problem dating. Or maybe it's because I dressed like this I never had a problem dating? Who knows? [Side note: I recently had reason to go through my high school yearbook. Dear God, we were a John Hughes movie come to life!] Anyhoo, when I was sixteen, I convinced my grandparents to send me to High School in Israel (not that it was all that hard--my parents are well known for their Jewish apathy and my grandparents were desperate to get to us grandkids any way they could. I distinctly remember my grandfather saying to me at Oliver's bar mitzvah, "You know, if you had a bat mitzvah, you could get all these presents, too! You'd get a lot of money if you had one"). I have extremely mixed feelings in retrospect about the High School in Israel program: there was a more than fair amount of brainwashing involved, however, it was one of the first school programs to truly engage me. I'm sure you'll all be shocked to hear that I was not a stellar student as a youth (my best buddy in high school, Eric, who I should say went to Princeton and is now a cardiologist, wrote in my yearbook [as I just rediscovered] "Sometimes your frivolity annoys me and sometimes your irrational moodiness drives me crazy, but I love you anyway," but I digress), and High School in Israel was the first time I realized that studying could actually be interesting. Some of what I remember about the trip is: the eggs. The damn hardboiled eggs. I was a vegetarian, and those stupid eggs were pretty much all I could eat. I remember Shlomo who sold falafels from a cart out back, but they weren't always in the budget. I remember not quite grasping my budget because at the time the Israeli currency was spiraling out of control and something that was 100 shekels at the beginning of the summer was 500 shekels at the end. I remember the cute Israeli soldiers who lived on campus who seemed so old to me; thinking that the hike up Masada was incredibly long and hard; going out with my twentysomething cousin to a bunch of bars and parties (no drinking age in Israel) and while we were on our way to the umpteenth party at about 3 or 4 a.m., telling him I just couldn't take it and I had to go to sleep, and his surprise and disappointment at having to go home early; sitting in the desert and having a teacher tell me, "This is where Abraham buried his foreskin"; and the Zionist zeal that I was indoctrinated with, to the point where I returned home and told my parents that I was going to grow up to become an economist and save the Israeli economy.

Shall we flash forward twelve years? I'm not an economist. I didn't save Israel. I do have an MFA in creative writing, a boyfriend who thinks we should become engaged, and no real prospects for an actual paying job. So what's a girl to do? Run off and join a kibbutz! Well, not exactly join, but volunteer at for four weeks. Hmmm, make that six weeks. As long as I'm here, let's just make that two, no four, okay six and a half months. That trip was a whirlwind and not something easy to summarize here. It's been the fodder for plenty of writing (one of my favorite essays on it appeared here). I picked kiwis, managed (almost) irrigation lines, decided that the boyfriend was not for me (aren't you happy I went on that trip, Adam!), drank lots of beer, realized just what babies those Israeli soldiers are, gave up being a vegetarian, traveled, wrote, figured out my life, and generally had the Israel experience I was looking for.

And now? Now even that trip is eleven years past. Now I've shed the glasses (yea, Lasik!), lost the hummus-olive-oil-labanah pounds (yea, Weight Watchers!), married, procreated, and am planning my fourth (but never final!) trip to Israel, this time with family in tow. And who knows? Maybe for Israel's 90th independence day, Pie will be posting on her blog: "And this is from my first trip to Israel, when I was three. I was in a good phase then, still with the curly hair and chubby cheeks..."

Labels: israel, jewish, me, photos, self-indulgence

Last Friday was a tough day for Pie. Meltdowns at the playground. Didn't want to nap. Didn't want to wake up from nap. Didn't like what was being served. Not happy at the lack of crackers during Passover. By bedtime on Friday, I was pretty much done, and as I'm wont to do, I turned over most of Pie's bedtime activities to Adam (Doodles is easy to get into bed). So, at bedtime:

Me: Tomorrow's Saturday.
Pie: Okay.
Me: That means tomorrow you can inflict your pain on Daddy! Does that sound good!
Pie: [Nodding vigorously] Yes!
Me: You'll inflict your pain on daddy?
Pie: Yes! Pain on daddy! Daddy, take off your shirt?
Adam: Take off my shirt?
Pie: Take off your shirt!
Adam: Why?
Pie: I pain on you. I pain on you!
Adam: What?
Pie: I pain on you. With paintbrush!
Adam: Tomorrow.
Me: Pie, time to go to sleep.
Pie: My eyes are cold.
Adam: So close them.
Pie: No, I need my sunglasses.
Adam: Not in bed.
Me: Okay, Pie, good night!
Pie: No! Hands cold!
Adam: You can get your mittens on yourself.
Pie: A grown-up has to watch when I put my mittens on.

Pie eventually dons her vest, her sweater, Doodles's Lightning McQueen slippers, and her mittens. It doesn't keep her in bed, and it's generally an hour-long process (whether we start at 6 or 9 doesn't make any difference).

Last night and tonight I'm on my own. Adam's in Seattle for work (if you're in Seattle and reading this, don't expect to hear from him. He arrived at 9:30 p.m. last night and is returning on the red-eye tonight. He gives a presentation today and isn't even in town for a single dinner). And I brook no nonsense. So bedtime is just screaming now. Although last night our neighbor, B., came by to sit with the kids as I had a class, and as soon as the neighbor came, Pie demanded a kiss from her and settled down. Looks like B. will be over every night when Adam goes out of town because she's the only one who can get that Pie settled.

Sweet dreams little Pie. Mommy's buying ear plugs.

Labels: pie, sleep

The upsides of two kids just two years apart have proven themselves to be many. They can entertain themselves for a good hour playing hide-and-go-see or--their new favorite instigated by Pie (ugh)--wedding. They share dress-up shoes and games. Doodles is just enough older that he can help out when Pie's being difficult--getting on her shoes or convincing her to eat. But it's not all fun and games.

The main downside, that I can see so far, to having kids just two years apart is we seem to have hit this perfect storm of question asking. Doodles is at the stage when he has a genuine curiosity about, oh, everything, and Pie just likes to hear herself talk. And God forbid they ever ask when I'm at home and can look answers up or demonstrate something. Take this one fifteen-minute stroller ride to the park:

Pie: What are bicycles made out of?
Me: Um, I think mostly metal and plastic.
Doodles: Wood and metal. Bikes have wood.
Me: I don't think many bikes are made of wood anymore. In the old days the were made of wood, but now I think they're primarily metal and plastic.
Doodles: No, I know they're made out of wood and metal. The wood is inside the metal because it's stronger.
Me: Actually, metal is stronger than wood.
Doodles: Why is metal stronger than wood?
Me: Um. Well. It just is.
Doodles: What are houses made out of?
Me: Wood. Bricks. Concrete. Um, I don't know what else.
Pie: What are flags made out of?
Me: Cloth.
Pie: What are cars made out of?
Me: Um, mostly metal and plastic, too, I think.
Doodles: Not wood?
Me: No, not wood.
Doodles: Where do eyeballs come from?
Me: What?
Doodles: Where do eyeballs come from?
Me: What do you mean?
Doodles: Oh, I know. From your head! What makes eyeballs colored?
Me: Um, pigments? I'm not sure.
Pie: Eyeballs! Eyeballs! Where are we going?
Me: To the playground.
Doodles: What are houses made of?
Me: I think we covered that one already.
Doodles: I meant, what are bricks made out of?

There's no avoiding it in the stroller. In the car, though, I have developed the nice little technique of turning the radio up and yelling, "What? I can't hear you! It's so loud in here. Why don't you ask when we get home?"

Labels: doodles, pie

I've been on a conservation kick with the kids. One of my new year's resolutions was the oh-so-trendy "go greener." I'm trying to impart the respect-your-earth values to them, with limited success. Of course, I don't always have the lightest touch. I confess, I've been known to say, "Turn off the water! Fish need that water! Don't kill the fish!" (Which has resulted in Doodles yelling, "Mom! Pie is wasting water! She's killing fish!")

Jumping on the plastics-are-bad-and-will-leach-harmful-things-into-my-children wagon, I decided I was going to order my kids some Sigg bottles. Just this morning, I told each child they were going to pick one bottle that they were going to live with for the rest of their lives. It was going to be their bottle for all going-out purposes and there was no switching or changing minds. Doodles picked out an astronaut bottle. Pie picked out Hello Kitty. The pink one. I found a lovely one for myself. Of course only after my little online search did I discover Hello Kitty is out of stock. So I'm searching for a place where I can buy all three because I'm too cheap (um, I mean environmentally aware!) to buy the bottles at multiple stores. I decided I'd hold off a day or two and see if I could find them locally. But no. Heading out to the playground today, I grabbed their sippies. At the playground:
Pie: I'm thirsty.
Me: Here's your sippy.
Pie: No! I want Hello Kitty! The pink one!
Me: Sweetie, it'll take a little while to get here. It won't be here for a while [and that's only after I order it!]
Pie: I want Hello Kitty now!
I was able to distract her until... bedtime.
Pie: I need my pink Hello Kitty.
Me: You don't own a pink Hello Kitty yet. We just picked them out today!
Pie: PINK HELLO KITTY!
I think I need to get off my butt and find that bottle in stock. With expedited shipping. So much for saving money and packaging.

And then there was the conversation Pie and I had this week:
Pie: I need a paper towel.
Me: For what?
Pie: To clean.
Me: Use a dish towel.
Pie: Nooooo! I need a paper towel!
Me: That's wasteful, Sweetie. Use a dish towel.
Pie: I need a paper towel. I need it, I need it, I need it!
Me: Do you know where paper comes from? It comes from trees.
Pie: [sniffle]
Me: Trees are killed for paper towels. Do you want to kill a tree?
Pie: Yes! Yes! Kill the trees! Kill the trees! [sobbing now] Kill the trees! Need a paper towel!

So now you know what conservation is all about. Dead fish. Downed trees. Pink Hello Kitties. Sent Fed Ex. Hope you all had a more productive Earth Day.

Labels: environmentalism, pie

A huge shout out to my boot camp buds, Petra and Chris, who ROCKED the Boston Marathon.

Monday morning was Patriots' Day. As you may know, I first thought Patriots' Day was a ridiculous made-up holiday. But I was a fast convert. Patriots' Day should be a national holiday. Battle re-enactments! Parades! The marathon!

Doodles and Pie slept too late to go to the Lexington re-enactment of the Battle on the Green because the previous two nights' seders went late (and those kids of mine were so cute! Doodles recited the four questions like a pro the first night and the second night, Pie chimed in with a question herself [there's a video on the site if you've got the password]), but I suggested the marathon.

"I don't want to go to the marathon!" Doodles whined. "It'll be boring!"

That kid is all about "boring" these days. But I used the ultimate weapon: the TV. I turned on the marathon to catch the start, and the kid was hooked.

"Wouldn't it be fun to go watch that?" I suggested mildly.

"Yeah! Let's go, let's go, let's go!"

Of course, three minutes into actually watching the marathon and he was "bored! Bored! Bored!!!" He and Pie started playing ball on the sidelines, drifting farther and farther away from me. I've got one eye on the race, trying to spot my friends, and one on the kids.

"Get back here!" I kept yelling, and I finally grabbed Pie around the waist and pulled her back, yelling, "If I miss seeing my friends because I'm watching you, there will be trouble!" ("There will be trouble!" is the most oft-repeated phrase in our household. I find it menacing enough to put a touch of fear into their hearts and yet vague enough that I don't have to give up my--I mean their--TV show.) Luckily, the new and improved Friendliest Brown found a young boy to play catch with and I was able to spot not one, but both of my friends. And they looked gooood!

It really motivated me to want to run Boston. I've tossed my hat in the lottery for NYC this year, and I plan on running Miami next January, but Boston is out there waiting for me. I determined to get there on my own--no fundraising numbers--and I'm still a way off on my time. Although, the best thing about aging is that the qualifying time for Boston gets slower. I will qualify. One of these years. Of course, Doodles won't be watching. He'll be playing his Leapster. Because marathons are bo-ring!

Labels: doodles, sporty mom

My father's been calling me the Friendliest Brown for at least a couple of decades now. I'm a talker. Anyone who knows me knows I'm a talker. I'll chat with anyone, anywhere. For instance, in the early '90s we took a family vacation to Seattle (long before I thought I might live there). My family flew in from Miami, and I met them there as I was living in New York at the time. By the time I got off the plane, I already had plans to meet up with a woman I'd met on the trip at a bar in the U District. It's a good thing I'm friendly because otherwise Adam and I would never have gotten together. I wouldn't call Adam unfriendly, but, okay: He's unfriendly.

Well, the Friendliest Brown is going to have to pass the mantle. Because there's a new Friendliest sheriff in town. That boy of mine. Yesterday, we were at a local B. Dalton's. I left Doodles and Pie in the children's section while I looked for some books. I could hear him chatting away, and I finally went back and there was a mom there with a son a year or two older than Doodles. I couldn't hear everything he had said, but I asked the mom, "So, is he telling you his life story?" She laughed and said, "All I want to know is just how do you make matzah pizza?"

Of course, this wouldn't be so bad if he got his stories straight. He's been going around telling people that he saw a fight. It was a battle. But it was okay, because it happened a long, long time ago. There were a lot of guns. You know what he's talking about, right?*

I'm so torn between loving his openness and knowing it's time to talk to him about "stranger danger." I see him making connections in his mind all the time, and it'll crush me to have him learn that not everyone is nice. (We recently read a Passover book that we've read many, many times and for the first time, he put two and two together. "So God killed the Egyptians? But why?")

In the meantime, if you see a short kid in a Red Sox shirt, humor him. He actually makes a pretty decent matzah pizza and if you ask nicely, he'll tell you how.


*You did get that, didn't you? We went to the re-enactment of the Battle at the Old North Bridge in Patriot's Day Celebration.

Labels: doodles, jewish

Some weeks I really have nothing to say, and I have to scramble for something to write. This week there's plenty to write about, and I'm still scrambling for something to write, because Adam's at the Red Sox game, which means I had to put the kids to sleep. I have no patience for putting the kids to sleep. None. Because the ritual goes on and on and on and on...

Today broke 80 degrees. Our house is quite warm. And still Pie needs her slippers, her vest, and her sweater on. Hood up, please. Where are her mittens? Is her watch in her pocket? She needs more trains to sit on the heater next to her. Wipes! She needs two wipes. On the heater. Why? I have no clue. Oh, what! She needs to use the potty. And--damn!--the look of pure sinister when she actually does pee. Finally, she goes to bed. But the whole process takes about forty-five minutes at the end of the day, when I'm done. I mean done. So all rational thought has left me and it's Passover, which means I can't even indulge in a little M&M therapy. Matzah therapy? Just not quite the same ring to it.

[Note: Blogger seems to be having some issues posting images tonight--they'll be here tomorrow]

Labels: holiday, pie

Okay, you people. I joined Netflix again (and I'm not sure how this works but this apparently "friends" me), just so I could watch the flicks you've recommended. So far, so good... Ushpizin? Loved! Next on deck: Wordplay and Juno.

Labels: self-indulgence

That's it. I must be done. I have nothing left to say because my biggest source of material is no longer cooperating. I don't see how I can continue this blog after this exchange from the other night.

Adam: Time for you to go to bed, Pie!
Pie: Okay. I need to use the potty.
Adam: Really?
Pie: I need to use the potty.
Adam leads her to the bathroom. In a timely fashion, Pie pees in the potty.
Adam: Ready for bed now?
Pie: Yep.
Adam: Let's go say good night to Mommy.
Me: So, no crying tonight, okay. Pie?
Pie: Okay.
Me: Okay what?
Pie: Okay. No crying.
Adam starts to take her up the stairs. Midway up she stops.
Pie: Wait! Mommy, one more smooch.
[Smooch]
Pie: And a hug.
[Hug]
Pie: Okay. Goodnight, Mommy. I love you!
Me: I love you, too, Pie.
Pie goes up to bed. Calls us a couple of times, but not a single tear.

Look, did you see that? Out your window? Yep, pretty sure that was a pig flying by.

Labels: pie

So Robin is encouraging her fellow bloggers to write a post today, Blog Reader Appreciation Day, in honor of their readers. She pinged me to give you guys a shout out and to thank you for sticking with me.

Well... c'mon folks. You've been with me long enough to know that that's not really going to happen is it? It's more like:

• thanks for making me drag my sorry ass to the computer when I really didn't feel like it, because I knew if I didn't, there'd be harassing e-mails in my in-box on Thursday
  
• thanks for putting up with me (particularly Carly, Kara, Meg, Beth, and Steffanie) when I alienated just about every other HBS spouse in the school
  
• thanks for spying in on every inane conversation. every moronic act of bravado, and every insipid thought that passed through this obviously genius brain of mine
  
• thanks for witnessing the fact that my husband isn't the put together, brilliant, almost-young manager his company seems to think he is, as you've heard every inane, insipid, and moronic thing he does
  
• thanks, in advance, for backing up my kids when they go to their therapists to complain about our parenting (too many incidents to link to here)

So, yes, all you people, a big fat thank you. Or not. Whatever.

Labels: self-indulgence

One of my all-time favorite CWITs, Kara, was back in town this past weekend. I know it's hard to remember that I did indeed have a life before my children, but I did, and she was one of the few Boston folks to experience it. We met up at Diesel for coffee, and while she still retains a twinge of her CWIT self, she distressed me greatly by "liberaling" up. She recycles! She buys local! She--gasp!--isn't supporting the same Republican her husband had been supporting. But luckily she's still gorgeous, still had the charming Texan accent, and still has the potential of being a trophy wife extraordinaire so there's still hope for her. And she promised to stay more regularly in touch, although after this post, she may change her mind.

Ah, Kara, I'll love you no matter what. Even when you're the first lady. I can't wait to play Billy Carter to your Pat Nixon. I mean, Nancy Regan. I mean... Oh, never mind. (Anyone else read this who's old enough to remember Billy Carter?)

Labels: cwits

Adam questioned my parenting techniques. Was it "irresponsible" or "idiotic"? Can't remember. He seems to think it isn't a good idea, when it's an hour past your child's bedtime and said child announces, "I'm tired," to then crank up the iPod, hand the kid a drum, and yell at him, "No! Sleep! Till! Brooklyn!"

To my credit, he did rally. The kid that is. Not Adam. And Pie? She never let them see her sweat. She grabbed the guitar, started hopping up and down, singing right along. "Dance, Mommy!" she screamed over the music. I picked her up and did the mommy version of the mosh pit. I yelled, "Are you going to be a party girl, Pie?" and she yelled back, "Yea!" Finally, a child I can identify as my own!

To preschool folks reading this, don't be surprised when Pie shows up to school, bags under her eyes, yelling, "I've got to fight! For my right! To par-tay!"

Rock on, little kiddies. Rock on!

Labels: parenting

Ah, Shabbat. Every Friday night, Jews all over the world share a peaceful moment with their families as they welcome in Shabbat. Now, we're not very observant Jews. We don't observe the laws of Shabbat. But like many American Jews, we end each Friday with a celebratory meal. Giving of tzedakah. Candle lighting. Blessing of children. Grape juice for the kids, wine for the grown-ups. Homemade hallah (and I have a kick-ass recipe). A lovely, special home-cooked meal, always chicken (and if I decide to deviate, Pie, very agitated, will demand all night, "Where's the chicken!"). A song or two. In our house, it's the one night of the week the kids get a dessert after dinner, Shabbat cookies, which they pick out themselves in the afternoon at our local farm stand. All in all, the Shabbat dinner is a lovely tradition and a way to bring Shabbat peace into the house.

Or, at least, that's what in theory is supposed to happen.

Pie: I want my Dora harmonica!
Me: Okay. Here's your Dora yarmulke.
Pie: No, I want Lightening McQueen! No, I want a grown-up harmonica! Give me that one. You wear Hello Kitty.
Me: Okay, I'll wear the Hello Kitty one.
Doodles: Where's my quarter? I can't find my quarter! I need my tzedakah!
Adam: It's right there under your napkin.
Doodles: Oh. Can I shake the tzedakah box?
Pie: Daddy wear the purple harmonica. My harmonica is falling off!
Me: I'll pin it.
Pie: No! Do it self!
After a three-minute struggle.
Pie: Mommy, put on my harmonica!

Time to start.
Me: What song shall we sing tonight?
Pie: The train song!
Me: Okay.
Me, Pie, Doodles, Adam: There's a train that goes from town--
Pie: NO! You don't sing. Just me and Doodles.
Kids sing three lines. Forget words. Look to me for help.
Time to say the blessing over the candles.
Doodles: How does fire get into the match? Why isn't the candle lighting? Is that candle broken? But how does the fire get into the match?
Adam explains sulfur and striking and all sorts of fun stuff while I struggle to get the candles lit.
Doodles: Okay. But how does the fire get into the match?

Go to bless the children.
Doodles: You blessed her first last time!
Adam: No, actually, I distinctly remember we did you first last time because we were at the synagogue Shabbat dinner. Remember?
Doodles: Oh. I should go first anyway.
Pie picks her nose while we bless her.

Finally we make it through all the blessings. Dinner is served.
Me: Doodles, get your fork out of your nose. Sit down. On your tushie. Pie, that's broccoli. You love broccoli.
Pie: Don't like broccoli!
Me: Fine. Don't eat your broccoli. But eat one of those little trees on your plate, wouldja?
Pie: Okay! [eats broccoli]
Me to Doodles: Eat your dinner.
Doodles: I think I'm going to throw up.
Me [having heard it before]: Go to the bathroom to throw up, please.
Doodles hops down and runs to the bathroom.
Doodles calls out: Can you turn on a light?
Adam does so. After five minutes:
Adam: Why are you taking so long?
Doodles: Now I'm going potty!
After a few more minutes:
Me: Don't forget to wash your hands.
Doodles: I *am* washing my hands!
Adam: Did you flush?
Doodles: Ooops! I forgot to wipe and my pants are already up.
Adam goes to remedy the situation. Returns to the table.

Adam: So, Pie, what did you do today?
Pie: What? No. Tell me about your day.
Adam: I already did. What did you do?
Pie: I went to school. I played dress-up shoes.
Me: What did you have for snack today?
Pie: What? I had Jasmine's snack.
Me: What was it?
Pie: What? Jasmine's snack.
Me: But what did you eat?
Pie: Oh. Cucumber. And.... Cucumber.

Me: Doodles, sit. On your tushie. Facing the table. Do you want to be excused before Shabbat cookies?
Pie: Can I have my Shabbat cookie?
Me: Not till everyone's done eating.
Pie: I want my Shabbat cookie.
Me: Eat your chicken. Doodles, SIT!

Adam: What did you do after nap today?
Pie: What? What? What?
Adam: What did you do after nap today?
Pie: What? [pause] What?
Me: We did something after nap today. What was it?
Pie: Ice skating?
Me: No.
Pie: Um, playground?
Me: No.
Pie: What? What? What? [leans in closer to me and whispers] What?
Me: [whispering back] Did someone come over today?
Pie: [whispering to Adam] Someone came over today.
Adam: Who?
Pie: What? Um, Jasmine.
Me: No.
Pie: E.?
Me: No.
Pie [whispering again]: What?
Me: D and G.
Pie: D! And G!

Doodles waves his hands wildly, coming perilously close to the candles.
Me: You know how you knocked over the iPod player this morning?
Doodles: Yeah.
Me: Remember how angry I got?
Doodles: Yeah.
Me: Knock those candles over and I'll be even angrier.
Doodles: Why?
Me: Well, you knock this over, you could set the house on fire.
Doodles: But that's okay. The firemen will come.
Me: Maybe not in time.
Adam: And then all your toys would burn up.
Me: Like your Leapster! And your Legos.
Pie: [gleefully] And my microphone?
Me: Yep.
Pie: The blue one?
Me: Yep.
Pie: And the pink one?
Me [thinking, What pink one?]: Yep.
Pie: And the white one?
Me [thinking, Okay, there's definitely no white one]: Yep.
Pie: Okay.

Doodles: Is it time for Shabbat cookies?
Me: Eat your dinner.
Pie: Is it time for Shabbat cookies?
Me: Doodles needs to eat his dinner.

Pie, playing with the food on the plate: Who made this?
Me: I did.
Pie: Thank you.
Me: You're welcome.

Doodles: I finished my vegetable. Can I have my Shabbat cookie?
I hand out Shabbat cookies. Doodles devours his. Pie takes two bites and then eats some more chicken.

Two hours later, the kids are in bed. Probably asleep. Can't tell for sure. I kill off the bottle of wine. Sink into a comatose stupor. Swear I'm not going to bother with the trouble next week. Somehow forget that by the time the next Friday rolls around. Wait for the peace to hit. Wait for the peace to hit. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting....

Labels: doodles, jewish, pie

This past week has to have been one of the busiest ones yet. I feel like it was nonstop, and I'm not ready to collapse in a heap at my computer. What have I done? It's all a big blur.

Adam had a night out with friends, I had a night out with friends (hi Elizabeth! It was fun!), I had (have) a job I'm working on, a preschool project that I got suckered into doing, a family Shabbat dinner, a meet-up with a fellow blogger whom I'd never met before but was in Boston for a conference, a women's community Passover seder (no Passover hasn't started--this was a fun, feminist version that involved many tambourines). Throw in some boot camp, a bit o' running, and a zillion chores (dentist appointment? Made. Eye doctor appointment? Made. Camp for Doodles? Taken care of. Car inspection? Done.) and that's what I've been up to.

Oh, and our little trip to New York. But this time for a day. Eight whole hours. Yes, I know how fun that sounds. Surprisingly it was incredibly uneventful and actually quite a success. I almost hesitate to blog about it, because nothing untoward happened.

After not nearly enough sleep, I roused myself from slumber at 5:30 on Saturday morning. Slapped together some sandwiches, woke the rest of the family, and we were on the road by 6:15 a.m. The purpose of the trip was dual fold: My mom has a show up right now at Nohra Haime Gallery (that's it on the walls and on the table in the pic; if you're in NYC go see it--it's up till April 26) and there was a breakfast at 9 a.m. and we thought it would be fun to go to. And then the other reason is it was my dad's birthday (random aside: did anyone else realize that when your parent's age equals the year of your birth, your age will equal the year of his or her birth; so for instance, my dad turned 68. I was born in 1968. And this year I'll turn 40. My dad was born in 1940. Try it--it works).

We made the trip in 3 1/2 hours, having parked and made our way to the gallery by 10 a.m., and my father was dutifully surprised. We spent the morning at the Children's Museum of Manhattan, which was cute but nowhere near the level of the Boston Children's Museum. We had a fabulous deli lunch at Artie's (it's the kind of place that has pickles and slaw on the table for you a la Wolfie's), kids got their subway rides, and then hung out at my parents place. I walked around a bit, hit a flea market. We had cakes from Citarella. At about 6:30 p.m., we put kids in pjs and headed home. Both kids were passed out before we left the Bronx. We were home by 10 p.m.

I wish there was more to tell you. I wish we'd had a meltdown or two or Pie peed somewhere or something, but it was such a manageable trip, I'd consider doing it again.

Labels: doodles, my family, New York, pie

Me: Doodles! I told you! Stop throwing balls in the house!
Doodles: But Pie is doing it.
Me: Pie shouldn't be doing it either. But you're older and you know better.
Doodles: But Pie is telling me to throw balls. And I'm listening to her. Because she's my sister. And I love her.

At the YMCA, while changing out of swimming suits.
Pie, loudly, pointing finger out at another girl: Look, Mommy! She has a v*agina just like me!

The gate is closed on the kids' bedroom door. They're both exhausted and refuse to go to sleep. Pie cries. Doodles resorts to Rickey Henderson methods:
Doodles: Dad! It's Doodles calling! He needs some more water. Okay?

I'm making a hummus on pita sandwich for Doodles.
Pie: What are you spreading on his p*enis?

Pie: Mommy, cuddle me!
Me: Okay, sweetie!
Lots of snuggling. I even sneak in a few smooches.
Me: Ooh, who's my favorite Pie Pie? Who's my favorite little girl?
Pie: Me!
Me: And who's your favorite mommy?
Pie [with great big, soft, baby eyes looking up at me]: Daphne! Daphne is my favorite mommy! [Daphne is her friend A's mother]

Just this afternoon, we saw the mom and daughter playing outside, so we went over to play. I'm talking to the mom. Pie runs over from the swing set, with a big grin on her face.
Pie: Mommy?
Me: Yes, Pie?
Pie: Mommy, go home! Go home now!

It's good to be loved.

Labels: doodles, pie

Random things said to children on a Sunday night:
Pie, we don't put artichoke leaves on our ears. Pie, seriously. Pie, get the artichokes out of your ears now! Pie, you can't hide artichoke leaves in your hair, either. Pie!

No, Pie, you cannot sleep with your shalach manot.

Me: Doodles, you can't celebrate both Purim and Easter. You have to pick just one.
Doodles: Okay. I'll celebrate Easter.

Questions asked in the car on one thirty-five-minute ride from home to ice skating:

• Why does your shadow follow you?
  
• Why do babies wake up at night?
  
• Why do moms wear bras?
  
• What is that song about? [Song on radio: "Cruel to Be Kind"]
  
• Why is the world going to stop and melt? [Song on radio: "I'll Stop the World and Melt with You"]
  
• Why did the pharaohs get buried in the pyramids the Jewish slaves built?
  
• How do they make the pointy part on the top of the pyramid?
  
• Why do people die in boxes?
  
• Then who puts them in boxes?
  
• Some cars, they have DVD players in them, in the top, and the kids can watch them when they are in the car. Why don't we have a car like that?

Thing on shopping list that Adam insisted the Shaw's didn't carry:
Paper towels made out of recycled paper

The thing I bought three packs of the next day at Shaw's--on special! Buy one, get two free:
Paper towels made out of recycled paper

My week in Facebook status updates:

• Jenny is eating all of her daughter's "potty treats." Good thing there's no danger of her daughter using the potty anytime soon. 3:12pm
  
• Jenny is not sure where she's going to come up with a 4T sized king costume by 4 p.m. tomorrow.... 5:27pm
  
• Jenny can freakin' work miracles. 1:11pm
  
• Jenny is making an--ack--princess potty chart. 11:41am
  
• Jenny is laughing at Adam for not realizing that the "C" in YMCA meant it would be closed on Easter Sunday. 7:08am
  
• Jenny can't believe the things she obsesses about. 11:27pm
  
• Jenny would rather be in Paris. Cafe au lait anyone? 5:19am

Things that surprise Adam:
Pie: I want a Cinderella coloring sheet!
Adam: Look, there's one!
Pie: That's not Cinderella! That's Snow White!
Adam to me: She knows the difference between Cinderella and Snow White?!?

My typical Tuesday:

• Argue with Pie about getting into the car.
  
• 8:45 a.m. Argue with Pie about dropping Doodles off at school. No she cannot stay in the car by herself.
  
• Argue with Pie about holding hands crossing the street to go to singalong.
  
• Contemplate a detour to the orphanage.
  
• 10: 15 a.m. Tell Pie she can't order her friend, A, to dance with her, no matter how much Pie wants to dance with A and only with A.
  
• Tell Pie that no, A's mother cannot take Pie to the muffin shop because I am going to take Pie to the muffin shop.
  
• Lose Pie's shoe in the street on the way to the muffin shop, but don't realize that's why she's screaming because she's always screaming.
  
• Sheepishly remove shoe from street when a trucker yells to me, "Hey, your daughter lost her shoe."
  
• Notice teenlike smirk on Pie's face.
  
• Tell Pie that she has to come home with me, she cannot go home with A and her mother.
  
• Argue with Pie about how many pieces her muffin should be cut into.
  
• Consider letting Pie go home with A and conveniently "forgetting" to pick her up--for a week or two.
  
• Reassert with a little less conviction that Pie has to come home with me.
  
• Argue with Pie about taking juice into the car.
  
• Noon: Pick Doodles up from school.
  
• Argue with Pie about lack of snack provided a mere twenty minutes after her juice and muffin.
  
• Drive an extra twenty minutes to make sure Pie falls asleep.
  
• Relax with Doodles. Read a book. Play some Legos. Have lunch. Take a brief nap.
  
• 2:30 p.m. Pie wakes up. Change Pie. Feed Pie. Appease Pie. Pie Pie Pie Pie Pie.
  
• Take kids to swimming class.
  
• Sit alone for thirty glorious minutes.
  
• 5 p.m. Take kids to "Tasty Tuesday" at Whole Foods.
  
• Try to shush kids as they scream at the top of their lungs, "LOOK! THERE'S ANOTHER SAMPLE! GO, MOMMY, GO!!"
  
• Get out of Whole Foods with just two $97 bags full of groceries.
  
• 6:20 p.m. Get kids in bath.
  
• Argue with them about bubbles. "No bubbles!" insists Doodles. "BUBBLES!" insists Pie.
  
• Let them play/fight in the tub.
  
• Tolerate screaming while hair is washed.
  
• 6:45 p.m. Adam walks in. Hand over kids half bathed and hide in the office.
  
• Wonder if Adam could function if I decided to take the summer off to travel and do something that's easier than dealing with Pie, like cure cancer or end poverty.
  
• Spend one and a half hours trying to cajole Pie into bed.
  
• Kids sleep. I zonk.
  
• 9 p.m. Miss the kids. Consider waking them so I can cuddle with them.
  
• 9:01 p.m. Adam blocks stairs to keep me from making huge mistake.
  
• 11:45 p.m. Go to bed after working on top-secret preschool project that is taking way more time than I would have thought.
  
• 11:57 p.m. Set alarm for 5 a.m. Boot camp tomorrow!

Evidence Pie is ready for college:

• She prefers her pizza cold
  
• She's up at all hours
  
• She finds bodily functions hilarious
  
• You can't get that girl off her cell phone
  
• She's a little cliquish
  
• She's perfected the eye roll
  
• She binge eats
  
• She's got the moves

Watch out Dartmouth U Mass Middlesex Community College Blaine Beauty School!

Labels: doodles, parenting, pie