{"id":663,"date":"2005-07-20T21:12:00","date_gmt":"2005-07-20T21:12:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.jennyandadam.com\/Jenny\/2005\/07\/c-is-for-pretension.html"},"modified":"2005-07-20T21:12:00","modified_gmt":"2005-07-20T21:12:00","slug":"c-is-for-pretension","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jennyandadam.com\/Jenny\/2005\/07\/c-is-for-pretension.html","title":{"rendered":"C Is for&#8230; Pretension?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Adam and I live a comfortable life. We don&#8217;t have a vacation house on the Cape but then we don&#8217;t worry about making our mortgage payment. I find <a href=\"http:\/\/www.bugaboo.com\/us\/\">Bugaboos<\/a> offensive (why&#8211;<i>why<\/i>&#8211;does anyone need to spend $700 on stroller?). I find my <a href=\"http:\/\/urbanbaby.com\/\">Urban Baby<\/a> e-mails to be ridiculous enough that I can&#8217;t bear to unsubscribe (yes, I <i>do<\/i> need to spend $1000+ on my child&#8217;s crib! Um, not). I buy 75 percent of Doodles clothes off of <a href=\"http:\/\/www.ebay.com\">ebay<\/a> and the rest from Target.<\/p>\n<p>So why in heck did I get a mailing to subscribe to <i>Cookie<\/i> magazine, a new parenting magazine &#8220;for busy but choosy parents&#8221;? I don&#8217;t even need to mock this, because it is so absurd, it speaks for itself (but why would I let it do that?). <i>Cookie<\/i> will bring you:<\/p>\n<ul><\/p>\n<li>The fast-growing market for children&#8217;s collectibles. Whether you want to decorate your child&#8217;s room with original sketches by contemporary artists or snap up original Laurent de Brunhoff&#8217;s Babar prints at auction, <i>Cookie<\/i> will steer you toward what&#8217;s worth investing in for your child. (Because, YES, this is where I want to invest my money! On objects for the wall that an infant will either pee on, spit up on, or ignore or that a toddler will rip down, color on, or smear his poop on to.)<\/li>\n<li>It&#8217;s sleek, it&#8217;s chic, and you can&#8217;t have it. Haute-design new nursery furniture from Italy is as good as it gets, but you can&#8217;t find it in American stores. <i>Cookie<\/i>, however, can help you get it with a single phone call. (Oh great. So now not only can I not get a babysitter to call me back, but I have to worry about the fact that I&#8217;m being snubbed by furniture salesmen?)<\/li>\n<li>Is that an octopus your baby is eating? World-class chefs reveal how to make even the most exotic foods acceptable to young palates, and share the recipes they created for their own children. (Excuse me for a moment here. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, that&#8217;s good! Ha ha ha! So while I&#8217;m trying to pry the Veggie Booty from my child&#8217;s clenched fist while I&#8217;m forcibly cramming a banana in his mouth, I&#8217;m going to introduce octopus. Great idea! Tell me, do you introduce the octopus to your baby before or after the strained peas?)<\/li>\n<li>How to negotiate with your nanny&#8230; <i>Cookie<\/i> will bring you the best advice on how to hire (and fire) a nanny&#8230;. (Because if you&#8217;re the kind of person who is going to feed your baby octopus, you&#8217;re definitely going through a nanny a week. I mean it is <i>so<\/i> hard to find a good nanny who knows how to prepare octopus!)<\/li>\n<li>The ultimate in kid-friendly travel. We&#8217;re not in Disney World anymore. Top destinations&#8211;for those who can afford it&#8211;include monkey-watching in Belize, dog-sledding in Alaska, and a 5-star Caribbean resort that caters to young guests with child-sized robes and a full-time kids&#8217; concierge. (Let me stop you right there. We can&#8217;t afford it. Remember that mortgage I mentioned that we&#8217;re able to pay? That pretty much eliminates our vacation budget. Yes, we&#8217;re not in Disney World. We&#8217;re in our own mosquito-drenched back yard, hanging out by the kiddie pool, dreaming about Disney World.)<\/li>\n<li>Natural childbirth&#8211;have we all gone mad? (Yes! We have! Until we can pay someone   else to give birth for us, we should do like the Brazilians and all have scheduled Cs!)\n<p>Plus:<\/li>\n<li>Where to order exclusive, imported kids&#8217; skin and hair products (because babies prefer to have only French soaps surrounding them when they&#8217;re going to poop in the bath)<\/li>\n<li>How you&#8211;and your child&#8211;can survive a preschool interview (um, they interview for preschool? Not at our Boys and Girls&#8217; Club!)<\/li>\n<li>Buying futures: Best investments for your baby&#8217;s nest egg (what? are you telling me the $50 savings bond I bought Doodles isn&#8217;t the best way to pay for his college education?)<\/li>\n<li>The big Lamaze lie (um&#8230;?)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I swear, I&#8217;m not making this up. I&#8217;m simply not that creative. I <i>couldn&#8217;t<\/i> make this up.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Adam and I live a comfortable life. We don&#8217;t have a vacation house on the Cape but then we don&#8217;t worry about making our mortgage payment. I find Bugaboos offensive (why&#8211;why&#8211;does anyone need to spend $700 on stroller?). I find my Urban Baby e-mails to be ridiculous enough that I can&#8217;t bear to unsubscribe (yes, [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-663","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jennyandadam.com\/Jenny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/663","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jennyandadam.com\/Jenny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jennyandadam.com\/Jenny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jennyandadam.com\/Jenny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jennyandadam.com\/Jenny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=663"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.jennyandadam.com\/Jenny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/663\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jennyandadam.com\/Jenny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=663"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jennyandadam.com\/Jenny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=663"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jennyandadam.com\/Jenny\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=663"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}