the pieces of my life

That girl, that girl. Oy is she trying to prove to me that she’s her father’s daughter.

For his birthday, Doodles got Monopoly Jr. I have to say, it’s a great intro to Monopoly and not a bad game at all. Doodles caught on quite quickly. Pie? Well, Pie likes to play by her own rules.

Me: Okay, Pie, you have to pay the bank $3.
Pie: $3?
Me: Yes.
Pie: I don’t want to.
Me: But, Sweetie, that’s how the game is played.
After a bit of cajoling…
Pie: Okay. But you have to give it back to me later, okay?

We’re playing for a bit.
Me: Okay, Pie, you have to pay Doodles $4.
Pie: No.
Me: That’s the way the game is played. You can give him one green and one white bill or you can give him two yellow bills.
Pie: No.
Me: Sweetie, these are the rules of the game. You have to give him two of the pieces of paper.
Pie, finally relenting: I’ll give him one. But he has to give it back to me later.

The next day in the car, I was listening to NPR. NPR, for God’s sakes! And my daughter? What does she pick up on? I hear a song emerging from the back seat, a lovely little tune with a simple set of words: “John McCain. John McCain. John McCain. John McCain. John McCain. John McCain. John McCain. John McCain. John McCain. John McCain.” For an entire twenty minute car ride.

I guess I was wrong. Dartmouth, here she comes.

I’m trying, unsuccessfully, to get a few things done with the Pie on my lap. I said, “Ugh, I don’t know what to do first,” to which Pie replied, “It’s thinking time, Mommy!”

You should all know, of course, that I love my daughter. She is bright and outgoing and energetic, with tons of spunk. That said, she will not SHUT UP! Not for two seconds!There’s this constant stream just pouring uncontrollably from her. My goal for today was to finish unpacking the apartment. Pie’s goal was to make me absolutely insane.

Pie: Can we go up to Storyland and pick up Cinderella and she can come over for a sleep over and she can sleep with me?
Me: I think Cinderella’s pretty busy doing princess stuff.
Pie: Please. Please. Puh-lease!!! I want Cinderella to come over for a sleep over. We can pick her up in our car and she can sit next to me and we’ll drive her here and she can sleep with me. Puh-lease!!! I want Cinderella to come over. [I can’t quite capture it, but imagine this little monologue repeats itself for about fifteen minutes.]
Me: Cinderella is not coming over.
Pie: Puh-lease! Why can’t she come over?
Me: She’s very busy. She’s doing princess things.
Pie: Why is she a princess?
Me: Because I believe she’s married to a prince.
Pie: Prince Charming?
Me: Right.
Pie: Is that her daddy?
Me: No, her husband.
Pie: Husband?
Me: Yes. Like Daddy is my husband.
Pie: Oh. Well can Cinderella come and go swimming with me?
Me: Pie, Cinderella cannot go swimming with you.
Pie: Why not?
Doodles: Silly! Of course Cinderella can’t swim with you! She doesn’t own a bathing suit!
Pie: Oh. Well, can you go pick up Cinderella and she can come down and watch me go swimming? I really want Cinderella to come down and watch me go swimming. She can just watch me because she doesn’t own a bathing suit and I really want her to come down and watch me go swimming, so can we go get her now? Pul-LEASE!
Me: No, we can’t go get Cinderella now.
Pie: [near tears] But I want to see Cinderella! Can we go to Storyland again?
Me: Sure! We’ll go next summer.
Pie: But I want to go NOW! Can’t we go NOW!
Me: We cannot go now.
Pie: But why not?
Me: Well, you don’t want to miss school!
Pie: [thinks for a moment] Can Cinderella sleep we me? Can we have Cinderella over and she can sit next to me and she can sleep with me?

It’s actually all a very devious, manipulative ploy by the Pie, because by the time we’re on the fifth iteration of this conversation, I suggest, “How about a show?” I think it’s her daylong assault on me to guarantee TV time. The girl is good. I see a future in politics for her. If there’s anyone who could take Sarah Palin down, Pie is your person!

Me: What’s today?
Pie: My birthday!
Me: How are you going to celebrate?
P: With Mommy. And Daddy.
Me: Actually, Daddy has to go to work.
P: Oh. Why? Why does he have to go to work?
Me: That’s how he earns a living.
P: Did Daddy go to work on Doodles birthday?
Me: Doodles birthday was on a Saturday. Today is Monday. Monday is a work day.
P: Monday’s a work day?
Me: Who else will you celebrate with?
P: I don’t know. I need you to tell me. Can you tell me, Mommy?
Me: Do you think you’ll celebrate with Doodles?
P: Yeah. With Doodles.
Me: Where are we going this morning?
P: We’re going to the… what? what? Can you tell me where we’re going? Oh! Can we take Jasmine’s car to the museum? When I see Jasmine can she say Happy Birthday to me?
ME: I’m sure she’ll say happy birthday to you.
P: Can Jasmine come to my actual birthday?
Me: So someone else is coming today?
P: So who is it?
Me: You just said!
P: Jasmine!!
Me: And where are we going?
P: To the museum. Can we go in Jasmine’s car so we can go to the museum?
Me: I’m afraid not.
P: But I want to.
Me: Her car’s not big enough. Plus, we might decide to take Jasmine with us even after her daddy has to go. Do you want to go out for lunch?
P: Yeah.
Me: How old are you?
P: Six and a half.
Me: Are you sure? If you’re six and a half, are you going into first grade?
P: Yes, I’m going into first grade and I’m six and a half.
Me: So you’re older than Doodles? ‘Cause he’s only five.
P: I’m older than Doodles.
Me: How old are you really?
P: Two and a half.
Me: But today’s your birthday. Let me see your fingers. How many fingers are you? Whoop! One more finger! How did you get to be three?
P: I don’t know.
Me: Where did you come from?
P: Mommy’s belly.
Me: What’s the best thing about three.
P: I like my ownself. And I like my presents. And I want kids to come to my actual birthday.
Me: You already had a big party. Today’s for us and Jasmine. What do you like to do?
P: Move, doing movement. Play with Jasmine! I like dress-up shoes.
Me: Anything else you’d like to say as a big three year old?
P: No.
Me: All done?
P: [nods]
Me: Happy Birthday, Sweetie.

We were invited to Ball Night at the kids former daycare. It’s a fun night with food and lots of games. Unfortunately Doodles was sick. But the day started out looking like we could go, so we were chatting about it.

Me: We’re going to ball night.
Doodles: Yeah! I love ball night!
Pie: Cinderella went to a ball.
Me: Yes.
Pie: It’s like that?
Me: No, not quite like that.
Doodles: It’s games.
Pie: Oh. I like games, too.

About a half hour till we were to leave, Doodles spiked a fever. I plopped them in front of the TV and went to make dinner.

Me: What do you want for dinner?
Pie: Hot dogs at ball night!
Me: Sweetie, remember, we’re not going. Doodles’s sick.
Pie: Well, you and I can go! Doodles can stay home.

Ah, empathy in action!

Last Wednesday, Adam took Doodles to Fenway for a Red Sox game (as you can see from the picture below from last Wednesday). Pie really wanted to go, but Fenway can be a bit of a madhouse and we knew she wouldn’t last as long as Doodles could (he actually made it to the end of the sixth inning). So to do something special with her, I decided to take her to the movies. I know what you’re thinking. A little Fly Me to the Moon, perhaps? Space Chimps, maybe? Oh, no! you’re thinking. Not, not–gasp–Kit Kittredge: An American Girl!

No, of course not, people. What kind of a mother do you think I am? I took her to a much more sensible, appropriate film. We went to see Mamma Mia!. I’m not sure who checks into my diversions blog, but if you did you’ll see that Pie’s first movie experience a couple of months ago was a complete disaster. For the first 15 minutes of WALL-E she cried. For the next 20 minutes she sat with her head buried in my chest. For the rest of the movie, she slept. So it was with trepidation that we returned to the movies. I’ve already seen Mamma Mia! and while I wasn’t enthralled with it, I did think Pie would really enjoy the singing and dancing. Pie is at the perfect age for it–old enough to be able to sit through a whole movie, but young enough not to ask questions like “Why does she have three daddies? Why doesn’t she know which one her daddy is?”

I bought us a popcorn to share, stuck a booster seat next to me, and plopped Pie down. One of the previews looked a little scary, so I said to her, “I think you might not like this preview so I’m going to cover your eyes.” She absolutely let me and when I did it one more time later on, she had no complaints.

During the commercials in the beginning, this ad for Sprite came on. Pie was glued to the screen, and I don’t know what this means, but 14 seconds into the ad when the guy takes his shirt off, Pie whispered to me, “Mommy! I like this movie!” Maybe I should have covered her eyes for the ad.

Anyway, Pie, it turns out, is a big ABBA fan. She sat through the entire film. At one point, she began yawning, and I said, “Pie, when can leave whenever you want!” “NO!” she whispered back to me. She did move to sit on my lap, but other than that, her eyes never left the screen. I did a lot of check-ins. “Do you like it?” Vigorous nodding. “Are you ready to go?” Vigorous head shakes. At the end of the film, they have two more songs and Pie sat through both of them and was reluctant to leave when it was done. But she did and she’s been asking for “movie music” since then.

She doesn’t know the name of the movie (“I saw the dancing music movie!”) nor does she know what it’s about (“It had a wedding! That was my favorite part.) but she definitely she gave it a resounding thumbs up. What else would you expect from Pie! She’s a super trooper dancing queen if ever there was one.

Today was Doodles’s last day at food group. He graduates! While his eating isn’t completely where I’d like it, the fact is he eats as well as if not better than probably 75 percent of the other five-year-olds out there. He eats: eggs (fried and hardboiled), grilled cheese, pasta with sauce, mac & cheese, red peppers, apples (with skin!), guacamole, hummus, falafel, homemade smoothies, hamburgers, Campbell’s chicken soup…

So, for his last day and in honor of his upcoming birthday, I brought cupcakes to food group. Normally Pie goes to Jasmine’s house for a drop-off playdate while Doodles is at food group. But today, she was torn:

Me: Pie, do you want to go to Jasmine’s house for a drop-off playdate or do you want to come to Doodles’s feeding group for cupcakes?
Pie: Um…
Me: Whatever you want! Jasmine’s house for a drop-off playdate or do you want to come to Doodles’s feeding group for cupcakes?
Pie: Um, I’ll have a drop-off playdate after the wedding
Me: The wedding?
Pie: Yeah. Drop-off playdate after the wedding.
Me: When is the wedding?
Pie: After my birthday.
Me: And who are you marrying?
Pie: Jasmine.
Me: And who is your playdate with?
Pie: Jasmine.
Me: Well, that will be convenient. But what do you want to do today? Playdate or cupcakes?
Pie: Playdate after wedding!
Me: But what about today?!?!?
Pie: Um. I want to have a playdate after the wedding.

Finally, I have a brainstorm.
Me: Pie, would you like me to send cupcakes over to Jasmine’s house? That way you can have a drop-off playdate and cupcakes.
Pie, visibly relieved: Yes!

Problem solved. And the wedding? Look for invitations sometime after her birthday.

I just had one of those bizarre circular conversations with my daughter. As I mentioned previously, I bought a bag of M&Ms; to keep handy for when Jasmine comes over. However, her mother mentioned to me that they’re phasing out the M&Ms; at home, and I had a rough weekend, so I figured, What the hell? and I ate Jasmine’s M&Ms.;

Fast forward to today. Jasmine is over for a playdate.

Pie: Mommy, I want to go potty so I can get an M&M.;
Me: You don’t get an M&M; when you go potty!
Pie: I do! When I have a guest over, I get an M&M.;
Me: No, no, no. That was only when Jasmine was training. She’s potty trained! No more M&Ms;!
Pie: I want an M&M;!
Me: We don’t have any M&Ms;!
Pie: Yes we do!
Me: No, we don’t. There are no M&Ms; anywhere in this house [and believe me, I’ve looked in my weaker moments].
Pie: I need an M&M;!!
Me: We don’t have any M&Ms;! When you get off the potty, I can show you.
Pie: No. Show me now. Bring them here and show me.
Me: But we don’t have any for me to bring. There’s nothing for me to bring.
Pie: Yes there is! Bring me the M&Ms; to show me that we don’t have any!

After a few more rounds of this, I take her to the kitchen and open the cabinet.
Me: See?
Pie, shocked: Mommy! There are no M&Ms;!

Riiiight. There are no M&Ms.; Although come to think of it, I could really use some myself right about now.

Our cable company went all digital and in the process they screwed up a bunch of things on our system. Adam called them to try and get it all fixed.

Pie: Who’s on the phone
Adam: The TV People
Pie: What’s their name?
Adam: I don’t know, Sweetie.
Pie: What’d they say?
Adam: They said they think you guys watch too much TV and we should stop letting you watch TV.
Doodles: NOOOOOO! We need TV!

There’s nothing like coming home and looking through my purse and thinking, “What’s this?” and then remembering, “Oh yeah. It’s the bacon sandwich Pie couldn’t finish and instead she asked me to keep it for her.” Good thing I checked my purse tonight!

Pie and Doodles have been doing studies at the Lad for Developmental Studies at Harvard since they were infants. They love doing them–the studies are always 5 to 30 minute “games” and the kids get a prize after. The prizes are a range of stuffed animals (at least thirty different kinds) with little tiny Harvard t-shirts on them or yo-yos or slinkies or the sort. And for the past three times, Pie has picked a pig. She know has a collection of pigs on her dresser.

When Adam came home tonight, he said, “Another pig! Pie, that’s three pigs now! What are all their names?”

Pie thought a moment and then said, “Their names are Cow, Cow, and… Cow!”

And that, my friends, is what we call a Pig in Kosher Clothes.