the pieces of my life

To get your brain jump started on today, the first day of 2010, I have a math problem for you:

On December 31, 2009, Pie woke up at 5:43 a.m. She immediately began whining. On this same day, Doodles woke up at 6:03 a.m. Both children spent the day swimming, running laps through the apartment, and asking, “Is it time to go to the party yet?” At 6:32 p.m., the two children departed with their parents for a New Year’s Eve party. At 7:23 p.m., Pie announced she was too tired. She ate six out of eight pieces of an avocado roll, clung to the leg of her father as if it were a life raft, and fell asleep on a couch in the middle of the room at 8:07 p.m.

Doodles eats no dinner, but consumes one cup of caramel popcorn at 8:27 while watching Spongebob Squarepants with T. Rex, Pad, and Elf Girl. At 9:02 he eats three coins of Hanukkah gelt. Doodles opens five presents, including “Draggy,” which he totes around for the rest of the night. At 11:48 p.m. Pie rejoins the awake world, opens presents, and walks around dazed.

Meanwhile, Adam consumes two beers, I drink three beers, two glasses of white wine, and a glass of champagne. Adam is a semi-loser in the Yankee swap (a Reflexology set), while I came out pretty darn sweetly (a set of Restoration Hardware shot glasses).

At midnight, the entire Brown-Medros clan, including senior Brown members–the Nana and the Peter–toast in the New Year. At 12:29 a.m., we drag an unhappy Doodles out of the party and a willing to go home Pie. Both children fall asleep in the car at 12:46 a.m.

At 6:03 a.m.–mere hours later–Pie awakes. At 6:34 a.m., Doodles awaken.

Here are your questions:
1) How long till Pie loses the shoes and tiara from her new Arielle doll?
2) How many Honey-Nut Cheerios can Draggy eat?
3) At what time will Doodles find himself seasick on Ollie’s boat?
4) How many cafe con leches will it take for my eyes to a) pry open and b) remain open
5) At what time will I abandon cafe con leches for beer?

Bonus points if you can tell me what time the melt-down will happen when Doodles and Pie realize that T. Rex and Pad leave early, early, early tomorrow to go back to their home.

We were told to try the cafe con leches at the market next to Subway.

Adam points across the street, away from the Subway. “Here?”

I tell him, “Next to the Subway.”

Adam looks at me as if I’m crazy. “I don’t see a market!”

And he’s already had three coffees today. Can you say, “Turning into
our parents”?

I’m actually starting to feel a bit hostile toward that burger with fried egg and duck fat fries. Good thing I’m headed toward a midnight show. A beer might make everything all better.

See, nothing’s changed since 1988. Some thought age might bring wisdom. Glad to be living proof of the fallacy of that theory.

Suddenly that burger with an egg on top and fries in duck fat aren’t seeming like such a good idea. Go figure.

My mother has something to say. Or at least she did. Now she’s caving under pressure. And my father wants me to leave. Not the rest of my family. Just me. And my friends? Well, Bettina left, Jennifer has nothing to say as usual, and Rachel is wisely ignoring me.

Yes, folks. It’s the same trip to Miami Beach as it always is. Today was spa day. Mani/pedis, massages, facials. And martinis. Lots of martinis.

And then we went for burgers. On a Tuesday night. At 8:30. And it was an hour and a half wait. Hour and a half wait!. But we smartly got out order “to go” (and Adam and I were the only ones smart enough to order beers while we were waiting). But it was worth it. Because I had a burger. With an egg on top. Shall I repeat that? I had a burger. With an egg. On top. Oh. My. God. And what did I have with that? Fries. Fried in duck fat. Really! In duck fat!

Can we repeat all this? Mani/pedi. Facial. Massage. Hamman. Martini. Beer. Burger with egg. Fries fried in duck fat.

It’s a beautiful world. Real life? I have my fingers in my ears. La la la la la! I can’t hear you!

Did you know that when you don't have lunch, and then you have a martini, it really does something. Consider that a recession tip (thanks to Jen P.).

Now on to the burger bar.