the pieces of my life

Yesterday was the boy’s birthday, so I had to be nice to him. Tomorrow is the girl’s birthday, so I’ll have to be nice to her. Today is nobody’s birthday. Today I can be a raving bitch. I really, really like today.

The seven-year-old boy

Me: So what’s today?

Doodles: My birthday.

Me: Are you sure?

Doodles: Yes.

Me: How can you tell?

Doodles: Because I got presents and I got streamers on my door. I have stuff written on my windows. And I get to choose what I want.

Me: And what do you want?

Doodles: A lot of stuff.

Me: Like what?

Doodles: A DS.

Me: Do you really think you’re getting a DS?

Doodles: No.

Me: So then what do you want that you will get?

Doodles: Let’s see. A Nerf gun.

Me: Really?

Doodles: Yes!

Me: It’s going to be a disappointing birthday. What do you like to do these days?

Doodles: Suck my finger.

Me: Still?

Doodles: Yes.

Me: I thought you were trying to quit.

Doodles: But I like it. I like to do my awesome dance. Play Club Penguin. I like reading everything.

Me: What are your favorite books?

Doodles: Diary of a Wimpy Kid books. Geronimo Stilton.

Me: What do you want to be when you grow up?

Doodles: Let’s see. A ballerina. Ha ha. Just kidding. I don’t know.

Me: What are you looking forward to in second grade?

Doodles: Let’s see. Studying Japan. Getting my own desk. Having my own supplies.

Me: Any grand pronouncements?

Doodles: Nope.

Me: Anything else to say?

Doodles: Everybody who reads this must jump up and down for the whole day.

Me: Really?

Doodles: Really.

Tonight is my last night with a six-year-old boy. And my last few days with a four-year-old girl. I’ve told them both they could do whatever they want on their birthdays.

The girl gave it lots of thought. “I want to go to the Res. And if it’s rainy, then I want to go see the fashion show at the MFA. Or maybe see a movie! I think MFA and then if there’s time, go see a movie.”

The boy also gave it some thought. “What’s it going to be?” I asked. “We could go to the Res, head to the Museum of Science, go to the movies, do whatever you’d like.”

He came up with his plan a couple of days ago. “I know what I want to do. I want to stay home and play Wii all day. And stay in my pajamas until dinner time.” Done.

Both of them have discovered Chicken Yakitori, so on both Monday and Wednesday we are headed to the only Asian restaurant in town that serves Chicken Yakitori. But I said to them both, “You can pick what you have for breakfast and lunch, too.”

Pie thinks. “Um, I want Chicken Yakitori for dinner, and I want… only fruits and vegetables for breakfast and lunch!”

“Okay,” I say. “What do you want, Doodles?”

“Hmm,” he starts. “Let’s see. For breakfast I want hot dogs. For lunch, I’d like a steak with barbecue sauce. And Chicken Yakitori, or course, for dinner.”

I told him I’d be willing to compromise. Eggs and bacon for breakfast. I pointed out that I really am not a great griller of steaks, and that I don’t think I could do one justice, so he agreed to hamburgers for lunch. A return to Camp Carnivore for the boy.

My babies. All grown up and becoming their own people. Yikes.

The Necessity of Disney Channel

Hypothesis: Children are addicted to the Disney Channel and will experience tremors if it is withdrawn abruptly.

Experiment:
1. Take two children to museum specializing in avant-garde art.
2. Place them in a room that is showing a Runa Islam‘s video Be the First to See What You See As You See It, a video with a woman fondling, and occasionally breaking, pieces of China. She also drinks tea.
3. Stand back and observe.

Result: Children stay seated and engaged for 10.25 minutes. The film is 7.5 minutes long, shown on a loop.

Conclusion: Who needs Disney? Any screen in a port will do.

We’re still a family of four. It was touch and go there for a while with Pie. There was a real chance she was going to be voted off the island. But apparently she got the immunity idol and we’re all still here.

At the moment, Adam and the kids are swimming in the hotel’s indoor pool. I decided to hang out and rest.

Doodles: Mom! You should really come with us.

Adam: Let Mommy hang out and relax.

Doodles: No, she should come! You know she didn’t go running today and can really use the exercise.

Even my own son. We’re doing a ton of walking so I am taking a break from running, hoping it’ll recharge me and help my foot. Although the walking is aggravating it a bit.

Aside from a few temper tantrums, we’re having a lovely time, and Canadians are apparently used to American tourists. (As I posted on Facebook: “We have met the Ugly American Tourist and he is us.” To which my clever friend Jen wrote, “Us too! Ruining Canada one province at a time.”)

But smoked meat sandwiches from Schwartz’s and chocolate crepes and copious amounts of lemonade have kept us all going. Two places we really wanted to go–the Biodome and the Insectarium–are closed because of labor disputes, but we’ve still seen plenty so far: the science museum, old Montreal, the Biosphere, taken a bateau mouche, visited a church.

We still have an arg museum in us for today and tomorrow is anyone’s guess. The kids are hoping to ice skate.

And now a quick nap before les enfants terribles return. Au voir.

I actually tried posting last night, but the WordPress app ate my post.

Day one of vacation was a success. Breakfast with the in-laws at Rye. Then, over the protests of my children who declared they hate farms, we spent a couple of hours at Billings Farm, where we had to tear Pie away from the milking of the cows. Doodles helped make ice cream the old-fashioned way but didn’t want to eat any because “homemade ice cream isn’t that good.” A small cone of it convinced him otherwise. (Note: I believe I have the photo blog–linked on the right–working again.)

Adam went to college up here, so in theory, this is his neck of the woods. We went to dinner at an Italian place I remembered and liked. At the end, I said, “Should we get dessert here?”

Adam: Let’s go into Hanover. We can get dessert at the Dirt Cowboy Cafe.

Doodles: I want dessert here!

Pie: Yeah!

Adam: You don’t want yummy ice cream? Or cookies?

Kids: Yeah! Let’s go!

Me: Um, it’s seven o’clock in Hanover, New Hampshire. Are you sure it’s going to be open?

Adam: Definitely! The Dirt Cowboy is always open late!

So back in downtown Hanover, as we’re off in search of Ben & Jerry’s (“What?? It closes at six o’clock every night? Since when?”), my daughter is off with her normal stream-of-concious drones when she stops us with “Do you get to take toys with you when you go to juvie?” I’m particularly fond of the use of “when” instead of “if.” Doesn’t bode well for our future.

This a.m. we had breakfast at the Four Aces and then we debated what to do next. Adam asked the kids, “Do you want to see a Hollywood photography show?”

Doodles squealed, “Yes!!!” The boy is completely Hollywood/acting obsessed.

I asked, “Are you sure it’s open? A lot of museums are closed on Mondays.”

Adam said, “It’s always open. We’ll spend an hour there and then head for the Ben & Jerry’s factory and then Montreal.”

I don’t need to finish this story, do I? At least while we were back in Hanover the kids got new Dartmouth shirts to replace the ones they’ve outgrown. Although try as I could, I could not convince Doodles to get a Thing One Dartmouth shirt (Pie was completely on board with Thing Two; Dr. Seuss went to Dartmouth, which is the relevancy).

And now we’re on our way to the Ben & Jerry’s factory. Then onward to Canada. Hope Canada has ear plugs.

Pie: We’re almost there!
Me: Almost, but we’re not too far.
Pie: I know we’re almost there be because when the roads get smaller, it means you’re getting close. … Hey! Houses! I didn’t know people lived in Vermont!

Adam got a new car. I may have mentioned this. Who can remember? His old Camry was a hand-me-down from my grandmother (it was his second from her). The Pimpmobile, so named for the gold-rimmed tires and the windows that were tinted to levels that are actually illegal in Massachusetts. He loves his fancy-shmancy new car. The GPS. The keyless start. The seats that remember who you are. That clean, nice new car smell.

He’s become a little obsessive about his car. And he declared the car a no-eating zone.

But then it became time for our vacation. And he was clearly torn. Pretty new car for hours on the road? Or slimey dirty kids in his new car for hours on the road? What to do? Old minivan? Or shiny happy car?

Car lust won. And I’m loving the look of horror on his face every time the kids open a new bag of peanut-butter crackers. Plus the kids found Radio Disney on the satellite radio. That’ll teach Adam not to have nice things!

(posting caveat: posts for the next few days are all being done on my iPhone so there may be more typos than usual.)

I so heart my podiatrist. I had my third visit with him today. My petroneus longus tendon has been giving me problems. Bad petroneus longus tendon! My podiatrist gave me a brace to wear and some exercises to do. It helped significantly. I can walk without pain. But the running is still an issue.

At the appointment today, I told him, “I know the no-brainer answer to my problem, but I don’t want to do it. My foot only hurts on long runs.”

He shrugs. “The no brainer being, ‘Don’t run long.’ How badly does it hurt?”

“I’m fine during the runs. But I’m totally hobbled after my runs.”

He nodded. “Well, I’ll give you a stronger brace to wear during your runs.”

I was elated. “You’re not going to tell me to not run?”

He asked, “Would you listen to me?”

Me: “Um, probably not.”

Doc: “So I’ll give you a stronger brace. But the minute that marathon is over, you’re coming back in for an MRI so we can see what kind of damage you did to yourself.”

He did assure me that because my foot is improving and that I’m fine on my non-long running days that my foot is recovering and I’m not exacerbating anything. So I’m probably not doing any permanent damage. Which is good enough for me right now, surprisingly so, as I’ve not really been into my runs and looking for excuses to get out of them. But I’ve hit that point where I’m far enough along in my training that there’s no point in backing out now. I did 16 mile last Saturday and I’ll do 18 this weekend, which is pretty much there, so why bother bailing now? It’s just two months till Chicago, which means just six weeks till tapering, which means I better get my plane ticket soon.

Another thing I like:

En garde!

When I signed the boy up for an intro to fencing class, I had to call and manually register him because he missed the cutoff of age seven and the web site rejected him. But he got in. When I took him to his first class, the teacher asked if anyone else wanted to fence. Not-even-five-year-old Pie jumped right in as did another little girl. The teacher immediately nicknamed the two of them Giggles One and Giggles Two. She loves it. They’re both so darn cute out there!

And now, for the things I don’t like:

G.E. My oven is still broken. Yes, people, we are on to six weeks now and the appliance company is getting tired of hearing from me, but not so tired that they’ll fix the damn oven! The part that was supposed to take 3 to 5 business days is now on its 11th business day of travel. If I can’t bake a cake in my own oven for my babies’ birthdays, G.E. is going to understand the meaning of a Mad Housewife.

Running. Yeah, I really don’t like it anymore. And yet… And yet. Ugh.

The fact that my Ivy League-educated husband is incapable of flipping a light switch off or closing a cabinet door/drawer. How hard is it to open the cabinet, remove your coffee mug, and then close the cabinet. Every time I walk into the kitchen, it’s like there was some mass rebellion by cabinetry. Today there were two doors open, the utensil drawer open to its fullest, the overhead light on, and the pantry light on. And then when I went upstairs, his sock drawer was lying wide open. Really that hard? Just a little nudge of the hip and it slides closed again! It’s a miracle! They open and close! What will science discover next?

How freakin’ much airlines now charge. We bought our tickets home for our yearly jaunt to Miami Beach, and we have never paid so much money for that trip. I’m pretty sure the tickets to Florida were on par to what we paid to fly to Israel. And according to Farecast, the flight prices are only going up, which I can verify because between when we priced tickets on Wednesday and bought them on Friday, they had already gone up $100 a ticket.

That I wanted to upload video of the armed punks (well, armed with plastic foils), but my videos are too big and I don’t have time to figure out how to shrink them. So instead of a cute note, we’ll end with a cranky note. Freakin’ oven, cabinets, plane tickets, running, video. Grumble grumble.

P.S. Adam just called. I said, “Oh, I was just trashing you in my blog!” He laughed and said, “Oh good! Another usual Monday!” I like that. So we’ll end there instead of with the grumble.

Pie, looking closely at my face: Did you know that old people get wrinkles?

Me: They do?

Pie: Yeah. You don’t have wrinkles yet.

Pie puts her hands up on my face. She touches the corners of my eyes.

Pie: But you’re starting to. Right here, by your eyes. You’re starting to get wrinkles.

Me: Oh.

Pie: Oh, I’m serious! You really are! The wrinkles are starting right… here! See? Wrinkles. Starting. Yep, definitely starting.

Uh, thanks?