On the occasion of our little Eugene turning thirty, I went back through the photo albums to discover what it is that made Eugene what he is today. Weegie was as advanced then as he is now. Unlike most youngsters, he knew there were more important things in life than solid food and learning to walk. From a young age, he was focused. His goal: to be the coolest baby on the block. Chicago was filled with hot young girl babies and Eugene would do whatever it took to wow them. While his playmates were practicing their "goo"s and "ga"s, Eugene's first discovery was his life line to the greater world. He never left the crib without it.

Unfortunately, none of the girls in Weegie's play group knew how to dial yet, so Weegie was left phoning Tell Me to find out Cub scores. He had to take another tack. His next idea, woo them with his powerful entertainment system.

The surround sound, the dual DVD player, the full-sized screen that could be seen anywhere in the play pen, Eugene was stylin'. And he could have made his mark as a lady's baby except that he missed the subtle hints and flirts (okay, drools and spit ups, but to a baby, that's love) thrown his way. That's because Eugene, easily distracted, was too enthralled with tweaking his subwoofers to maximize the sound effects of the extra features on his Special Edition Electric Company DVD to notice the lady babies making eyes at him. So he decided to impress the girlies by making a killing by starting his online Internet business: designer burp rags.

The job, however, took all of his time. He found himself missing sing-a-longs and story times because of the long hours. The start-up was so time consuming, Eugene barely had time to get his diaper changed. So it was just as well that Eugene was ahead of his time. Just before his company, www.spitonthis.com, was to IPO, it went bust. Eugene, unaccustomed to failure, took it hard and resorted to the bottle.

However, Eugene was as resilient then as he is today. He refused to let these minor set backs discourage him. He took a sabbatical from play group to regroup. He reviewed his life. Evaluated his options. He crunched some numbers and eventually hit upon the solution that has served him well with the ladies for nigh these thirty years: hair gel and a groovy means of transportation. And while Eugene has since updated from his first set of wheels (Big Wheels, that is), he found a hair style that worked for him and stuck with it.

Eugene, may the next thirty years be filled with the success that marks your first thirty years.