Just Another Gray Morning

June 22nd, 2011 § Comments Off on Just Another Gray Morning § permalink

Today is the end-of-year celebrations in both the kids’ classrooms even though the last day of school is Friday. I turned on Alice Cooper’s “School’s Out for Summer,” saying, “I’ll play it again for you on Friday.”

Me: Would you like me to bring a boombox on Friday to pick up and blast this song for you as you leave school.

Pie: Boombox? What’s a boombox?


As a final reward for filling the marble jar, Doodles has a beach day at school. He was told to bring flip flops, a tank top and shorts, and a beach towel.

Me: Which beach towel do you want? We have an Amazon.com towel, a TripAdvisor towel, and a South Park towel.

Doodles: What’s South Park?

Me: It’s a cartoon with little boys who curse a lot. [I bring down the towel] See?

Doodles: Oh yeah! I know them! I saw the cartoon at School of Rock.

Me: Oh my God! They killed my kid’s innocence! [Okay, not really, but I thought it.]

[And yes I need to get the kids to school and I’m standing here watching the “Beefcake” episode. “Follow your dreams. You can meet your goals. I’m living proof. Beefcake. BEEFCAKE!” Okay, maybe you had to be there.]

The Week

May 22nd, 2011 § 1 comment § permalink

Our family subscribes to The Week magazine. It basically distills news from publications around the world, so you can see the various sides of each story. Everyone but the girl enjoys it—even the seven-year-old boy reads the political cartoons and scans the news items.

They have some great columns that express the ridiculousness of the world and I love its “Good week for/Bad week for” column. Unfortunately they don’t have these online. So I want to point out a particularly great one this week. This (reputable) news magazine wrote in the issue we received on Friday, May 19:

“Good week for…
The human race, after the world did not end on May 21, as Christian radio broadcaster Harold Camping had predicted. [Editor’s note: We filed this item several days early, but will print a correction if it’s wrong.]”

We’ll be renewing.

The End of the World as We Know It

May 21st, 2011 § 2 comments § permalink

I had my first iced latte of the season, after a nine mile run this morning, and it was heavenly. Which is a good thing because it’s about as close to heaven as I’m going to get today, if there is indeed a Rapture. Us Jews don’t make the cut. Once again, they’re keeping the Jews out of the country club. Don’t mind, this time, though.

I figured I’d write a final post to all my friends who will be playing harps or lounging on clouds or dining with virgins or whatever it is that happens in heaven, but then I realized, it’s really only about one or two of you. I’m pretty sure the rest of my readers are heathens (hi, Dad!).

For those one or two, have a safe trip. Don’t forget to wear a helmet while you’re learning how to use those wings. Try not to spill crumbs on those of us left here on Earth.

And for the rest of you, I’ll see you back here in a day or two. I’ll bring the martinis.

Angry, Angry!

May 17th, 2011 § Comments Off on Angry, Angry! § permalink

I’ve always been a fan of Pomplamoose (their “Single Ladies” cover rocks!), but this just seals the deal:


Next Year In…

December 1st, 2008 § Comments Off on Next Year In… § permalink

I liked this humorous guide to the traditional Thanksgiving seder.

What I Think About When I Can’t Sleep.

September 1st, 2008 § Comments Off on What I Think About When I Can’t Sleep. § permalink

What time is it? Oy. It’s move day. The house is only half packed. If I start to wrap dishes in paper, will I wake the kids? What the HELL did I do to my foot? This week’s 10 miler was a mistake. Which podiatrist should I see? Maybe Adam’s right and we shouldn’t have chosen to move into a teeny-tiny apartment and remodel during an election year. How did I end up with a Republican? My baby isn’t ready for kindergarten. I wonder where Mrs. Ferrer, my kindergarten teacher, is? Ugh, those stupid red mats we had to lie down on, and how often I did end up napping. “I pledge allegiance to the flag…” Mrs. Ferrer wasn’t Mrs. Ferrer though, till I had her in first grade. She was Miss Rios in kindergarten and after a couple of weeks of first grade, when answer me when I called her Miss Rios. Gads, she was probably half my age right now when she was my teacher. My baby is so not ready for that big elementary school. My baby. My babies. Remember Sophie’s Choice? How did she make that choice. I could never do that. But what if the Nazis were about to get them? Don’t think about it! Don’t think about it! Is it time to get up yet? Ugh. Not yet. Man, my foot is buggin’ me. What kind of paint should I let the kids use to mess up the walls tonight? Doodles wants to write, “Good-bye house” on the walls. Are we really doing this? This is the house I had my children in. Do I really want to mess with it? Will this stupid project ever get underway? Did I really agree to be a room parent at the preschool? And I’ve got to plan that Sukkot program soon. What can we do that’s different from the last one? Can I bake round hallahs in that tiny apartment kitchen? I said I’d start working again tomorrow. Am I really going to start working again tomorrow? I’m too tired to start working again tomorrow. How are we going to get all the crap out of our house? Is it time to get up yet? Ugh. Sleep or coffee? Sleep or coffee? What time does Starbucks open on Labor Day? What time is it now? Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. It’s move day. Ugh.

The Perfect Present!

August 26th, 2008 § Comments Off on The Perfect Present! § permalink

My mom found these while looking for gifts for Doodles. They should be on everyone’s “must have” lists:
a Lego set for Bush fans and a way to transport the folks at Guantanamo Bay.

For All the Republicans Out There…

May 7th, 2008 § Comments Off on For All the Republicans Out There… § permalink

(and that includes you Adam!)

From the Get Over It Department

March 5th, 2008 § Comments Off on From the Get Over It Department § permalink

I don’t normally post unrelated videos on my site, but I found this over at Mom O Matic and I thought it was hysterical.

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    I read, I write, I occasionally look to make sure my kids aren't playing with matches.

    My novel, MODERN GIRLS will be coming out from NAL in the spring of 2016.

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