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Tag Archives: doodles

The Dangers of E-mail

In our house, the children were capable of earning e-mail once they were in third grade. The thinking is, if they are old enough to attend Hebrew school three days a week, they are old enough to earn the privilege of e-mail. The requirement to get the account is the child must demonstrate the ability […]

What I Have to Deal With*

*Yes, I know, that should read “With What I Have to Deal,” but I’m taking poetic license here because it just sounds too snooty the proper way and I’m going to be writing a snooty post as it is. First, though, I’d like to ask why, given my love of baking and my fondness for […]

What’s Goin’ On*

*You must be humming Marvin Gaye while reading that, please. Tell me what’s going on I’ll tell you ya, what’s going on My to-do list is a mile long, and while I’ve accomplished a lot, none of it has actually been on my list, so my new to-do on my to-do list is to add […]

The Joys of Children

Pie is having a problem with her butt. Excuse, not her butt. Your butt. Your anus, to be precise. “It’s pronounced Yur-uh-ness!” she screeches from across the house. Whatever. Planets were chosen while we were on vacation, so Pie was assigned hers. Yur-uh-ness. Models must be made. The ring of Yur-uh-ness isn’t staying up well […]

Mornings in Our House

Me: I slept oddly. And I had a dream that we got a divorce. Husband: Huh. Well, good thing you didn’t dream about your teeth falling out. That would be really bad. Me: What?! Husband: Isn’t it supposed to be bad to dream about teeth falling out? Me: As opposed to our divorce? Pie: Are […]

Absolute Corruption

Can’t speak of this, because the phones might be tapped. I suspect this blog is being monitored. All I know is we’re in Miami Beach, and corruption is afoot. Miami is well known for corruption. And I could tell stories about the strange things I’ve seen here as a kid (and, as a matter of […]

My Life: Cold, Peeps, and Butts

Note to self: If someone asks, “It there a temperature that’s too cold for you to run?” the answer is not “I’ll run in anything!” but “Screw the run! I’m taking a bubble bath!” Actually the running part is fine. Is the after-run part. Running in “12 degrees, feels like 2″ is actually fairly invigorating. […]

How Old Do You Think I Am?

The boy: Why do you have a thing on your bulletin board that says, “God bless you. Stay strong. Kick it. Billy Blanks”? Me: When I was at Amazon, I used to interview people for the Web site. Billy Blanks had a series of workout videos called Tae-Bo that I really liked. When I interviewed […]

Would I Lie to You?

Hungry, desperate furloughed-government officials came knocking on the door this afternoon. The only thing that I had that would cheer them up was a Charleston Chew bar of my daughter. I sent them on their way with the chocolate and that, my dear daughter, is why your candy bar is missing. There is no other […]

Define “Too Much Sugar”

Q: How many servings of candy corn are there in a nine-serving bag of Brach’s candy corn? Sorry, that was a trick question. Because all of you, knowing me, would answer, “One.” But I’m PMSing, which means it’s really only about 3/4th of a serving. But what to do what that needed additional 1/4th? How […]