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Tag Archives: doodles

The Joys of Children

Pie is having a problem with her butt. Excuse, not her butt. Your butt. Your anus, to be precise. “It’s pronounced Yur-uh-ness!” she screeches from across the house. Whatever. Planets were chosen while we were on vacation, so Pie was assigned hers. Yur-uh-ness. Models must be made. The ring of Yur-uh-ness isn’t staying up well […]

Mornings in Our House

Me: I slept oddly. And I had a dream that we got a divorce. Husband: Huh. Well, good thing you didn’t dream about your teeth falling out. That would be really bad. Me: What?! Husband: Isn’t it supposed to be bad to dream about teeth falling out? Me: As opposed to our divorce? Pie: Are […]

Absolute Corruption

Can’t speak of this, because the phones might be tapped. I suspect this blog is being monitored. All I know is we’re in Miami Beach, and corruption is afoot. Miami is well known for corruption. And I could tell stories about the strange things I’ve seen here as a kid (and, as a matter of […]

My Life: Cold, Peeps, and Butts

Note to self: If someone asks, “It there a temperature that’s too cold for you to run?” the answer is not “I’ll run in anything!” but “Screw the run! I’m taking a bubble bath!” Actually the running part is fine. Is the after-run part. Running in “12 degrees, feels like 2″ is actually fairly invigorating. […]

How Old Do You Think I Am?

The boy: Why do you have a thing on your bulletin board that says, “God bless you. Stay strong. Kick it. Billy Blanks”? Me: When I was at Amazon, I used to interview people for the Web site. Billy Blanks had a series of workout videos called Tae-Bo that I really liked. When I interviewed […]

Would I Lie to You?

Hungry, desperate furloughed-government officials came knocking on the door this afternoon. The only thing that I had that would cheer them up was a Charleston Chew bar of my daughter. I sent them on their way with the chocolate and that, my dear daughter, is why your candy bar is missing. There is no other […]

Define “Too Much Sugar”

Q: How many servings of candy corn are there in a nine-serving bag of Brach’s candy corn? Sorry, that was a trick question. Because all of you, knowing me, would answer, “One.” But I’m PMSing, which means it’s really only about 3/4th of a serving. But what to do what that needed additional 1/4th? How […]

Doodles Can’t Read

I asked my son to read me the weather report but he said he couldn’t. What exactly is he learning in that school of his?

Ice Ice, Baby!

Minke whale and puffin on the menu Gullfoss Waterfall Helicopters over Reykjavik Toto, I don’t think we’re in Boston anymore! Hello, Iceland!

Where in the World Are Doodles and Pie?

Off on another grand adventure! This time to…