Me: What’s today?
Eight Year Old: August 25, 2013, also known as my birthday.
Me: How do you know?
Eight Year Old: Because I know.
Me: What did you do for your birthday?
Eight Year Old: I went to the Southwick Zoo with my family.
Me: What do you like to do these days?
Eight Year Old: Dance. Play soccer. Sing. Eat junk food. Eat fruits and vegetables. Go to exciting places and travel.
Me: What kind of exciting places? Eight Year Old: Like the Galapagos Islands and the park and the zoo and when you’re lost in a another country and your parents don’t know what to do!
Me: Does that happen often?
Eight Year Old: Yeah! It does happen often, Mommy.
Me: I don’t remember getting lost.
Eight Year Old:You don’t? Like when we look at a map and you say, “What direction are we going in?” Wait, did you write that down? Oh God!
Me: What are your favorite places to go?
Eight Year Old: My favorite place where I like to go is the Galapagos Island. Like travel right?
Eight Year Old: School. Home. New York. Different continents and countries. Stuff like that.
Me: What are your favorite books?
Eight Year Old: I like the Dork Diary series, the American Girl books, Kylie Jean and Heidi Heckelbeck and I really like Drama and Smile, which are books by the same author.
Me: What do you like to listen to?
Eight Year Old: I like Selena Gomez. Lady Gaga. Rhianna. And Nicki Minaj. Oh and I also like Ke$ha.
Me: What do you like to watch?
Eight Year Old: I like to watch Lab Rats. Phineas and Ferb. Project Runway. Abby’s Ultimate Dance Competition. Dance Moms. Johnny Test. Brain Games. And Mad.
Me: Sounds like you have an irresponsible mom, letting you watch those reality shows.
Eight Year Old: No.
Me: It sounds like you have an irresponsible mom and a brother who controls the remote.
Eight Year Old: No and yes.
Me: What would you watch if you had your pick?
Eight Year Old: Johnny Test. Lab Rats. Brain Games. Abby’s Ultimate Dance Competition. And Dance Moms.
Me: So your brother makes you watch Mad and your mother makes you watch Project Runway?
Eight Year Old: No, I like Project Runway. And I do like Mad, but I wouldn’t watch it if he didn’t live because I wouldn’t know about it. But I still like the other ones.
Me: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Eight Year Old: A writer. About animals. Which I will work out with my friend because she wants to be a vet. [whispering] Which is Jasmine.
Me: What are your goals as an eight year old?
Eight Year Old: To not be scared of spiders. To maybe raise some money for a charity. And just relax over the year.
Me: Do you have problems relaxing?
Eight Year Old: No, it’s just sometimes I get scared about stuff.
Me: Like what?
Eight Year Old: Like roller coasters, which I’m still scared of. Even though there are some very small ones. They’re still pretty fast.
Me: What are you looking forward to in third grade?
Eight Year Old: Doing my biography report. Because I already know what to do it on. I’m doing it on [omitted].
Me: You want me to put that in there?
Eight Year Old: Yes!
Me: But I thought you wanted to keep it a secret.
Eight Year Old: Right! Thank you for reminding me. Don’t put it in.
Me: Any grand pronouncements?
Eight Year Old: No.
Eight Year Old: What do you mean for a grand pronouncement?
Me: I explain it every year.
Eight Year Old: What’s a pronouncement?
Me: Let’s look it up. Because apparently every year I’m not doing a good job of explaining it. [Look up the word on M-W.com.]
Eight Year Old: Oh. Strawberries are awesome!
Excellent. Happy birthday, Pie!