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The Things We’ll Talk About When We Talk in Therapy

We used to have a really cool alternative music station. It went away. Now we have a “we play anything” station that really plays nothing. I can’t stand it. But I was so tired while running errands this morning, that I found myself on the station and I didn’t even realize it until I discovered that, yes, I do remember every word to Foreigner’s “Urgent.” And then I wanted to gauge my ears out with the windshield wipers.

Why was I so tired that I inadvertently listened to adult whatever-it-is radio? Because my daughter isn’t sleeping through the night. Which is funny, because I’m pretty sure I wrote the same thing seven years ago. She’s in second grade, for freak’s sake! But last night she was up at 2:40 a.m. Yep, that’s right. And she read. And she tossed. And she turned. And she complained. Until 5:20 a.m.. She went down–or rather was up–like a flaming arrow and she brought me along for the ride. Shoot. Me. Now.

It’s the monsters. The monsters are getting to her. They are under her bed and in the closet and nothing she does is making them go away. She refuses to sleep with her light off or her shades down. So of course she wakes up. And then she sits, completely upright, on the edge of her bed, reading, complaining that it’s not helping her fall asleep. Well, duh.

Today was a very sleepy day. I ran errands in a haze. I yelled at my children when they got home because a Crumbs has come to our local mall and no one warned me. I was not sufficiently prepped to see that cupcake sign beckoning to me. My children were just at the mall on Saturday. They could have told me! Useless children!

As the boy was doing homework and the girl was complaining about doing hers, I made hot chocolate and we chatted. The boy started getting mouthy.

Me: Just do your homework.

The boy: Give me more marshmallows.

Me: Be nice! You’re the child I’m keeping!

The girl: Hey!

The boy: Ha ha! [to the girl] When you and Daddy move out, I’m going to take all your stuff.

Me: No, we’re going to move out.

The boy: What?? To where?

Me: Dunno. New York. Miami. Paris. Somewhere good.

The boy: No, not New York. The city is too big.

Me: What?? Who are you? Fine, I’m not keeping you, either!

The boy: I get dibs on all your stuff!

Me: I’m taking all my stuff with me!

The boy: The stuff you don’t take, I get dibs on!

The girl: I want dibs, too! I’ll take the cooking stuff.

The boy: Do you not understand how dibs works? I called dibs on everything!

The girl: No way! I want her stuff too!

The boy: Fine, you can have her stuff. I’ll take her money.

The girl: Hmmmm….

This is one of those times I wished we celebrated Christmas. Because instead of buying them gifts, I could just get them mammoth lumps of coal. Hey, maybe I’ll start a new Hanukkah tradition here….

One Comment

  1. Angela wrote:

    This was so funny. “You’re the child I’m keeping!” Best line ever. Thanks for the smile :)

    Wednesday, December 5, 2012 at 9:19 am | Permalink