Six. That’s right, six. The magic age when a child becomes embarrassed by his mother. My son has suddenly blossomed into tweendom. Walking home from school, I was chatting up a neighbor girl. A second grader. Who lives on our block. Walking home with her father and her younger sister. The humiliating conversation?
Me, first to Tab and then to Doodles: So, anything exciting happen today?
Tab: No.
Doodles: Mmmph.
Me to neighbor girl: How about you? Anything exciting happen today?
Neighbor: Well…
Doodles, hitting me with his jacket: Mom! Cut it out!
Neighbor: We watched a movie at school today.
Me: That does sound exciting. What movie?
Doodles: MOM! CUT IT OUT!
Me: Sweetie, I’m allowed to talk to our neighbor if I choose to.
Doodles: No!
Neighbor: It was a Magic Schoolbus movie.
Me: What was it about?
Doodles, still hitting me: CUT IT OUT CUT IT OUT CUT IT OUT CUT IT OUT CUT IT OUT!
Neighbor: It was about gravity. Because we’re learning about the moon!
Doodles: Cut it out!
Me: Doodles you’re being rude.
[pause a few seconds]
Doodles: Mom, can I have computer time when we get home?
Timing isn’t his forte. And for the record, the answer was no.
Pie, four-year-old little Pie, isn’t immune to tweendom, either. Her birthday is six months, four weeks and one day away. Pie is suddenly into the rock stars and she’s planning a rock star birthday. (“Can I have a swimming rock star birthday?” “That might be a bit much.” “Okay, then this birthday will be a rock star birthday and my six birthday will be a swimming party.”) She’s obsessed with being a rock star. Which has led to some interesting outfits. Pie has a number of dresses that she loves, but which she’s clearly grown out of. A few weeks ago, we agreed that she could keep wearing the too-small dresses but with a pair of leggings underneath.
A couple of days ago she put on one of those dresses, which barely grazes her tush.
Me: You’ve definitely grown out of that dress!
Pie: Oh?
Me: It’s too short on you. Why don’t you put some leggings?
Pie: Oh, I don’t need to!
Me: I thought we said when dresses are too short, you’d wear them with leggings. Lots of rock stars wear leggings. It’s very popular for rock stars.
Pie: But, Mom, I saw Hannah Montana! And she had on a really short skirt with no leggings! So I’ll just wear tights with the dress.
Just shoot me now.
