the pieces of my life

I’m just a week away from my race, which means I’m in full-on taper mode. Tapering is when you ease off the running in preparation for the race. I hate tapering. Hate, hate, hate. Tapering plays with your mind, makes you think you’re slow. It has you itching to go out for a good, long, hard run. I went out this morning for a “30 minute easy run with 5 pick ups” and all I could think was, “It probably wouldn’t hurt me to go just another four miles,” but I have to stop myself. This is the one time I also try to really pay attention to what I’m eating, consume lots of veggies and pay attention to my fat and alcohol intake (in other words, no drinking this week), which I know I should be doing all the time, but let’s face it, I don’t.

My previous marathon PR (personal record) is 4:25:07 in New York in 2006. That’s a 10:07 pace. I really want to break the 10-minute-a-mile pace in this marathon, as that’s a real psychological block for me. But with that three-week injury, at this point my only goal is to finish uninjured. Taking those weeks off of running really did a psychological number on me. I think breaking the 10-minute block will be like the two-hour half marathon. I couldn’t do it. No matter what I just couldn’t run faster than a two-hour half marathon. And then, running with a friend, I did in September 2007, and since them, I haven’t run over two hours since (I’ve run a total of five half marathons now under two hours). I think once I break that 10-minute mile, I’ll always do it. But until that first time….

So for now I’m thinking fast thoughts. I’m envisioning myself at the finish line, the clock reading 4:20 (which is just under at 10 minute pace). Of course the more I do these ridiculously easy taper runs, the more I long to run Comrades (on an up year, of course). Something about not even breaking a sweat makes me think I can do anything. My ultimate goal with all this running is to run Comrades before my 45th birthday (figuring that five years is enough time to get back on our financial feet after the remodel and that five years from now, I’ll be more open to traveling halfway across the world with my children).

10 minute miles? I hope so. And if not, no biggie. It’s all just training for Comrades, right? Run, baby, run.

Things are tense in my oh-so-tiny apartment and I’ve consolidated my life down to miniature size, which is why I’m having such a tough time blogging these days. I no longer think in blog terms–the most I think is one-line Facebook statuses. Writing actual paragraphs, strings of those oh-so-pithy status updates, if you will, now seems a colossal task. My mind is thinking things like, “Jenny is contemplating tossing all of her children’s toys out the window to see if anyone notices” or “Jenny is thinking of moving abroad for three months with no forwarding address” but this empty Blogger box seems to want more from me.

But here I am, with a rare moment of peace as Adam has the monsters at the playground. Our house is in total destruction mode–the roof comes off this week–but progress is happening. I can’t envision this thing done, but apparently it will happen. I have an incredible lack of imagination on this. All I see are dollar signs as we need to pick out appliances, counters, fixtures and our savings account–like all of yours, I’m sure–is spiraling down, down, down, down, down….

My daughter is enmeshed in wedding planning (at 5 a.m., she woke up, literally screaming, “I NEED MY BRIDE DRESS NOW! Where’s my white bride dress! Get it for me now!). We had a lovely conversation on Wednesday, mere hours before the start of Kol Nidre:

Pie: I’m getting married today.
Me: Today is not such a good day to get married. Kol Nidre is in just a couple of hours.
Pie: NO! I’m getting married today!
Me: And just who do you think is going to marry you today?
Pie: Jasmine!
Me: No, I meant, who is going to perform the ceremony? All the rabbis are busy today!
Pie: But my wedding is today!
Me: And what kind of reception will that be? You can’t serve any food! The grown-ups will all be fasting.
Pie: [getting furious] NO! MY WEDDING IS TODAY!

Doodles is so Doodles. I can’t even elaborate on that. He’s just… well, Doodles.

And me? Well, “Jenny is going off to see a movie by herself. No kids or spouses allowed.” And that sums it all up nicely.

Who is this child of mine and what is this life we’ve gotten into? At pick up today, we could hear the announcements outside, being delivered by a teacher or maybe it was the principal? “And the Red Sox will be playing not just tonight but Sunday night too in the playoffs! We wish them the best and will play ‘Sweet Caroline’ in their honor. Go Sox!!” Really, people? You know their not the underdogs anymore. Does anyone really still care? A friend of mine put it well. She wrote to me: “There is no separation of baseball and state in Massachusetts public education.”

And then there’s the fact that this boy of mine has gotten, you know, cool. After school a classmate came running up to him.
Classmate: Hey, Doodles! Hey, Doodles!
Doodles: What.
C: Hi, Doodles!
D: What did you want?
C’s mom: I think he just wanted to say, “Hi.”
C: Yeah! Hi, Doodles!
D: Oh.
Me: Can you try a few manners? How about, “Hi, C.” or “Have a good weekend, C.”
D, mumbling: Hi, C.
I had a total flashback to the boys of my elementary school years. I can’t believe my son is going to be that kid. Oy.

At a fire safety assembly, Doodles learned all about what to do in a fire. He told me, “You need to leave right away! Just take the phone with you and when you get outside, then you call the firemen. If you left your pet or your toys inside, you just wait for the firemen to come get them out.”

Bring your phone with you? We never learned that. Does the cord stretch to outside? The times, they are a changin’.

“Sweet Caroline
Good times never seemed so good
I’ve been inclined
To believe they never would…”