The television remote? Oh, it's so tasty! The bar on a dirty shopping cart? The perfect teething tool! The pole on the bus! Just...lean...a...little...closer...Mom! My tongue almost reaches! Keys, the umbrella handle, Dad's watch, the string on Mom's hoodie--all fabulous things to put in my mouth. But this past week, Mom has been trying to put in these, these... these unholy objects! She offered me this strange cold yellow-orange thing in a weird mesh bag. She kept saying something like, "It'll feel so good on your gums; just try it! You'll like it. C'mon, just stick it in your mouth a little bit" although really all I heard was "ba ba ba ba ba." Then she offered me these strange o-shaped pieces. I put a couple of pieces in my mouth but I made that scrunchy face that clearly indicates that I will accept no more of that! And then she tried to put these slivers of orange gunk in my mouth. Ewwwww! Luckily, a few minutes of red-faced screaming brought on my favorite food. I think Mom learned her lesson. Now can we go back on the bus? I never did get to lick that pretty, shiny pole.